


Sea of Fervor

by Shinocchi



Series: Same Heart; Different Universe [3]
Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bittersweet, Blow Jobs, Dark Past, M/M, Minor Violence, Multiple Orgasms, Non-consensual Herb Use, Orgasm Delay/Denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-12 23:27:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 39,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1204474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinocchi/pseuds/Shinocchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It didn't take too long for Noiz to realize that his life was not his own to do with as he pleased. After being forcefully sold off to a rich merchant, Noiz thought that all he needed to do was to keep himself alive and to make sure that his life was interesting enough to worth living. </p><p>But when he was taken in by a group of well-known pirates, he realized that his <i>real</i> life had just started.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Invasion

**Author's Note:**

> This AU was inspired by [this official art](http://41.media.tumblr.com/ff3fea27a721be016e63327e26121e62/tumblr_mwuo9breu01spwrqeo3_500.jpg), alongside [this official art](http://media.tumblr.com/c7c990d7601d51f8601030b3c248afa8/tumblr_inline_mxihrthdMb1rn1xwv.jpg). 
> 
> It had been rooting in my head for the longest time ever before I finally surrendered to temptation and planned for the fic. The images of both Noiz & Koujaku in my head were very much similar to the official arts so feel free to think of them that way if it served your convenience :)
> 
> A word of warning though, as with all my previous works for this pairing, this work will also contain a fair bit of angst & bittersweet, if you're okay with that.
> 
> I'm aiming to finish this up in a month time (trust me, if I don't give myself a timeline I would probably end up procrastinating on it lmao). Please bear with me & enjoy ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) for beta-ing this chapter for me <33333

_Bored_.

That was all that was in his mind.

People in the other room were cheerfully emptying cups after cups of alcohol, but he stayed in his small cabin, refusing to witness the sickening view of people vomiting all over each other and laughing at jokes that weren't even funny. He never had the motivation to step out of this cramped room, even though he was bored to death. He couldn't care less about anything or anyone. He was self-centered. He was only interested with things that would amuse him, not things that required him to amuse others. However, the position he was currently in clearly didn't allow him to do so. 

“Are you trying to run away again?! Get out of there, you little shit!” 

Rapid knocks and loud voices were heard before he could think of anything to do to kill time. If he refused to entertain whoever was outside now, he was sure that the door would be knocked down and he would end up sleeping in the cold. 

Lazily, he walked towards the door and pulled it open, revealing plump, middle-aged men. Ah, there he was. The good-for-nothing cruise ship owner who was _his_ owner as well.

“I’m warning you, Noiz. If you continue behaving this way, I’ll throw you into the sea.” 

Noiz was one of the hundred sailors on this magnificent cruise, and he was probably the only one who dared to go against the prominent cruise owner. He’d been working on the ship for almost four years now, although he was brought here without his consent. The only thing he could remember was him saying goodnight to his family, and the next thing he knew was him lying on the floor of one of the many ship cabins as he was woken up by rough punches and kicks. He didn't know how it happened. All he knew was that he was left in the middle of the ocean, and he suspected that his family’s vault was possibly richer now that they’d sold him away. 

He didn't know what he did wrong to deserve this. But the reality didn't give him any time to figure things out. It was not long before he realized that if he didn't look after himself now, he would die before he knew it. Dying was the last thing he wanted. He couldn't die, not when his family obviously wanted him out of their life. He didn't want to give them that satisfaction. 

He shrugged as he was dragged out of his comfort zone by the grumpy owner and into a kitchen where a tray of food and a few glasses of wine were pushed into his hands. 

 _Not this again._  

Every once in a while, his overly wealthy owner would organize this extravagant ball. The attendees were usually rich merchants who would come on board for a lavish dinner session as an excuse to further enhance their relationship with each other. Noiz knew that this was merely part of an act. The cruise owner was just trying to show off. Noiz, on the other hand, was used to be served, not serving others. The drastic change gave him an immediate culture shock. 

This new reality he was thrown into only gave him two options: you either work or you die. And the latter was never his option. 

Even though no one was ever satisfied with him on the ship, it didn't matter to him and he didn't have the intention to get along with everyone else. He’d tried escaping a few times, but to no avail. Security was tight in every corner, leaving him with no choice but to stay put and hope that his daily life wouldn't bore him too much. 

But he had to admit that balls like these were pointless. He was forced to serve worthless people – something he disliked greatly – which only frustrated him more because he found no benefit in doing so. 

He was dragged aggressively along the corridor and into one of the biggest cabins on the ship. As expected, it was extravagantly decorated and filled with people who were all overdressed. The owner whispered a few words of caution in his ear before he gave him a light push, urging him to start working. Grunting, he pushed his way into the crowd, attempting to force out a very hesitant smile to help him get into his working mood faster. 

“Madam, would you like to have a glass of wine?” 

The first person he’d approached was a sweet looking lady, who at first glance seemed kind enough not to give him too much trouble. However, he was wrong. The moment she gave him a mocking stare, he knew that she was putting his endurance limit to the test. Even after all this time, people giving him a heartless stare and looking down at him as if he was some kind of pathetic animal irritated him to no end. 

The ‘fine’ lady put on her gloves and traced his neck with her forefinger, lightly lifting his face up when she reached his chin and forcing him to look straight into her sardonic gaze. 

“I’ll take it if you kneel down and serve me, young man.” 

Noiz’s lips curved into a small smirk. He returned her stare with the same amount of disrespect she’d given him and leaned forward until his mouth was only inches away from her ear. 

“How about _you_ kneel down and serve me instead?” 

The lady jumped back instantly and glared heatedly at Noiz, whose smirk never left his face. Pointing angrily at him as if scandalized, she opened her mouth, looking like she was about to throw some undoubtedly scornful comments at him. But before she could say anything, Noiz picked up one of the wine glasses, stepped up to her, and poured the red liquid unhurriedly on her head. 

Everyone around them stood and stared, frozen. The lady continued glaring at Noiz, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Then, before he knew it, he was hauled violently out of the cabin and into another room, which was obviously a private room based on its luxurious setting. 

Ah, he should’ve drunk some of that wine while he had the chance. Now it was all wasted on that stupid, old lady. The thought was literally smacked out of his head when a heavy punch landed on the side of his face. Backing off, he stumbled and held onto a table by the door for support before another punch hit his stomach, causing him to cough out of reflex. When the third punch fell on his slouched back, he lost his balance and fell on the rug covered wooden floor, feeling the pressure of the punches as they continuously hit various parts of his body. He was used to violent treatments like these. He was not particularly troubled by the attacks. He was only annoyed because it would be troublesome to treat the wounds later, what with the very limited first-aid supplies he was provided with. 

He couldn't feel pain; he couldn't feel anything. He felt like a walking corpse most of the time, and sometimes he wondered if this was the reason why his parents had decided to tear him out of his prestigious family. 

He remembered how he was brought to see countless doctors and how desperate they were to search for a cure. But those visits always ended up fruitless and eventually, his parents gave up. It seemed to be an incurable condition, and it made him look like a born failure. Ever since then, the way his parents looked at him was never the same anymore. Sometimes he even found himself regretting his decision of telling his mom that his wounds never hurt him in the first place. 

But it didn't matter anymore. There was nothing he could do to change the past and what was important now was to make it through the days, to make his life worth living. 

When the attacks finally stopped, he looked up, blinking the red out of his eyes and saw the chubby owner glaring furiously at him. He was still shouting, but Noiz didn't care. It must’ve been the same old ‘ _If this happens again, I’ll throw you into the sea_ ’ threat. He was always threatened, but none of those threats ever happened throughout the four years he was on board. He knew the owner couldn't afford to lose more manpower, not to mention that Noiz was a great asset being the youngest sailor on the ship. He was still a useful tool. 

After that, he was aggressively thrown into the bilge, the nasty stains adding onto his already bloodied shirt. Clicking his tongue, he sat up and leaned against the wooden wall as he heard a click from the door, which indicated that he was being locked up again. He actually considered himself lucky for still being uninfected when mixtures of dirty water, oil and cigarette ends kept invading his untreated wounds all this while. Perhaps it wasn’t the time for him to die yet. Staring blankly into space, Noiz allowed himself to fall into darkness as he felt his consciousness leave him gradually. 

The hunger was what awoke him from his sleep. The problem of hunger was not what he’d expected to encounter when he was being thrown forcefully into this lifestyle. Never in a million years would he have thought that he would one day suffer from the lack of food on a regular basis. He could endure punches and hits, but not hunger. This was the only thing that made him hope that someone would release him soon. He pressed his ear against the locked door but it was completely quiet on the other side. Sitting back down, he looked around, trying to find something edible, but to no avail. 

His only light source from the small window told him that it was still night time. He flicked a finger against his wound that was now covered rapidly drying blood out of boredom, accidentally tearing the wound apart as fresh blood started oozing out of it again. Sighing, he started smearing the blood across the wound before he heard metal rattling from the door, heightening his alertness. 

Someone was opening the door. 

But whoever it was, they were clearly not doing a good job. Noiz’s instincts immediately told him that the person was unstable, possibly drunk and he had a good idea where this was leading to. This wasn't the first time he was faced with such a situation either. Whenever he was locked up here, the ship owner would send a few of his sailor mates to keep an eye on him. But those instructions always ended up as _more_ than that. 

The door swung open and two men – two times his size – crashed their way into the cramped bilge. Noiz stepped a few steps back but stopped when his back hit the wall behind him. The bilge was too small to fit three people, not to mention that the two of them were huge and muscular. The humongous sailors advanced towards Noiz with wobbly steps and ugly grins on their faces as they reached out to grab him. 

It was not something unusual. There was no room for men to be picky when the choices were limited. Noiz was resistant at first; never in his life would he expect anyone to touch him in such a rough and dirty way. But after a while, he realized that all of his resistance was useless, and as time passed by, it became one of his ways to get rid of boredom. He didn't enjoy any of it, but he no longer resisted it. He couldn't feel it anyway. It was still better than being locked up for hours on end with nothing to eat and drink. 

The hand of one of the men made its way under Noiz’s shirt, the rough contact against his skin making him shiver involuntarily. Another man grabbed his arms from behind, his breathing beside Noiz’s ear irritating him. As he felt a pair of hands moving down his ass, a loud explosion was heard, shattering window glass and making all of them freeze. Noiz has never encountered such a loud noise over the four years he was stuck here, and judging from the expressions of the men in front of him, this was their first time encountering this as well. 

Distracted, the two men released Noiz hastily and stormed out of the bilge as Noiz followed closely behind them immediately after he’d clumsily tidied up his clothes. The sudden commotion piqued his curiosity. It was all calm and peaceful throughout the entire time he was here. Whatever was happening now, it was probably something unusual, possibly interesting. They ran towards the deck, and as Noiz pushed his way through the wall of people, he was stunned, eyes unable to move away from the sight in front of him. 

A ship, two times the size of theirs, had hammered a pole into the deck of the ship he was on. The opposing ship had stopped right in front of them and a flag with a red emblem could be seen waving tall and proud. A line of men were standing on the other ship’s deck, clearly waiting for their chance to invade their deck. They were all armed, and judging by the look on his fellow sailor mates’ faces, this was definitely not a joke.

 

That was when Noiz understood.

 

They were attacked. By pirates.

 

 


	2. Contradictions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If he was given a chance, he would choose to die an interesting death. Before he knew it, it had become his life goal ever since he was stuck on this ship. Bearing the belief that he might not be able to make it to his twenty-year-old, he had to admit that the idea of dying in the hands of a group of menacing-looking pirates sounded a lot better than dying in the hands of a good-for-nothing, overfed man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) for beta-ing this chapter for me <3333

“Whoa, whoa, look, Mink-san! We landed ourselves a huge ship!” 

Clear stared enthusiastically at the cruise ship that they’d just crashed into as he vigorously shook the hand of the sturdy man beside him. The man– Mink– merely gazed disinterestedly at the deck of the opposing ship and turned to another man, who was also scanning the ship. 

“What do you think?” he asked in a guttural tone. 

The man nodded and Mink raised his hand. Without the need for verbal instructions, a crew of at least a hundred people behind them charged towards the ship. 

\--

 

If he was given a chance, he would choose to die an interesting death. Before he knew it, it had become his life goal ever since he was stuck on the ship. Believing that he might not be able to make it to his twentieth birthday, he had to admit that the idea of dying at the hands of a group of menacing looking pirates sounded a lot better than dying at the hands of a good-for-nothing, overfed man. 

He stared as the swarm of pirates made their way onto the deck of their ship, and as daggers slashed through countless bodies in front of him. He listened as the crack of gunshots split the night air, and he watched as the muscular men who’d attempted to touch him minutes ago fell by his feet, their blood spurting on his face and shirt. Stepping in a pool of blood not long after, he realized he was in a state of mess, covered with a mixture of his own blood and blood which didn’t belong to him. The assailants didn’t seem to be paying any attention to him, and he suspected that his body size might have potentially saved his life. He made an eye contact with a few of them but they merely ran past him and advanced deeper into the ship. The ignorance of the attackers eventually told Noiz that they only attacked people who resisted them or who chose to gamble their lives in front of their huge daggers and destructive gunpowder. He retreated into a corner. He wasn’t scared. He was never afraid of death. But he was transfixed. His brain was running so fast, occupied with countless possibilities. He couldn't stop himself from trying to figure the situation out even at times like these, causing him to totally forget about escaping. 

“Hey, young man. What’re you looking at?” A booming voice snapped him back into reality and he turned to see a white-haired man standing beside him. He was one of the pirates. 

For the first time in his life, he experienced fear. Should he run? Did he stand a chance against them? Should he try negotiating for his life? The option to beg for his life crossed his mind for a brief second before he brushed it off. He would never, ever, beg for his life. Not knowing what to do, he stared dumbfounded at the happy man beside him, whose cheerfulness was now almost making him feel humiliated. 

“Is this your first time encountering this? Aww, poor boy.” 

The smiling guy patted his head, almost pulling him into a hug when Noiz pushed him away. This was getting ridiculous. People were dying in front of them. How could this guy be so carefree? He didn't know what the guy’s motive was. If he wanted his life, he hoped he could make it quick. A sideway glance at the blood-filled dagger in the white-haired man’s hand told him that he was obviously a professional killing machine. The fact that he’d seen this man in action was perhaps the biggest reason for his fear. His movements were fast and clean, without leaving any traces. Those who died under his blade didn't even have the time to let out their last scream. Was he going to die the same way, too? 

Before he could prepare himself to face death, everything went still. No more gunshots, no more screaming. 

“Ren-san!” the white-haired man yelled suddenly, grabbing the sailor’s hand and raising it up into the air. “I've got one here!” 

‘I've got one’? What was that supposed to mean? Did that mean he was going to be held hostage? 

The person who was named Ren turned around. He had dark-colored hair and a pair of unemotional, dark eyes which reflected the same tone of color as the black sea surrounding them. After he gave the excited man a nod, he grabbed Noiz’s wrist and led him across the rows of bodies and stopped right in front of Ren, who scanned him for a brief second before turning his back towards him. 

“Hey, lad. How old are you?” 

A cheeky man stood in front of him and grinned teasingly. It was the kind of look Noiz hated the most and his instinctual reaction was put into use immediately. 

He returned the grin with a mocking smirk of his own, clearly without any intention to cooperate. His retort only lasted for mere seconds as he felt a massive pressure on his face, throwing him off his feet and causing him to fall heavily on the floor. As the taste of metal spread in his mouth, he spit the blood out and returned his glare on the man, still stubborn and disrespectful. 

The enraged man was about to kick him in the stomach when a well-built man stopped him and squatted down, staring emotionlessly at Noiz. 

Noiz heard uproars behind his back the moment he made eye contact with the huge man in front of him. Was this their Captain? He smirked again upon recognizing the fact that he had brought the trouble upon himself. Well, now he had done it. He would probably end up with a horrible death. 

Ah, so this was it. This was the end. 

“Do you know who we are?” 

The low growl wiped the smirk off Noiz’s face and it got him thinking. That made sense. If he was going to die here, at least it would be good to know who took his life. The confused look on his face gave him away as the huge guy produced a light smile before the noise erupted behind him again. 

“We’re the Benishigure!” 

And they repeated it, again and again, followed by loud group cheers that were so obnoxious it was causing Noiz a headache. 

It was a name Noiz was familiar with. Benishigure was one of the most influential and most fearful pirate groups on the continent. Every single ship which sailed across the ocean knew about them. In fact, based on the information Noiz had collected from his four-year experience as a sailor, nearly all the ships were grateful to have never encountered them before. Because ships who had met them never made it out alive, and they would disappear from the map, without leaving a single trace behind. 

Every ship knew how menacing this group of pirates could be. But there was one mystery that has never been solved. No one had ever seen their Captain before. He was always working behind the scenes, and yet he was the most powerful person on the ocean. Even with the lack of appearance, he still gave out a kind of supremacy that had ships sailing across the ocean referring him as ‘the Grim Reaper of the Sea’, the name itself indicating that facing him would be equivalent to facing death itself. 

So was this guy in front of him the Grim Reaper? Noiz couldn't stop his thoughts, even now when he was most probably facing death. He couldn't ignore that gut feeling in him that kept telling him that nothing about this man had to do with “Grim Reaper”. But he certainly had a look to him that clearly said ‘I am in charge now’. 

“Mink-san, c’mon. Don’t scare him.” 

The voice of the white-haired man from before echoed suddenly and the person in front of him– _his name is Mink, huh?_ – stood up and stepped a few steps back, allowing Noiz to finally have a proper look at the sea of humans now surrounding him. None of them were menacing-looking; instead, most of them were graced with features which would probably make them easily mistaken for a regular businessman on the street. Noiz tried to stand up, but his legs betrayed him and he fell again. He must’ve gotten injured from the attack just now. He couldn't really tell with his inability to feel pain. 

“This is a tough one,” one of the voices rang out. 

“What should we do, Mink-san?” Another voice from the corner. 

Everyone waited for Mink’s decision as he continued staring down at Noiz. The sailor glared back at him, refusing to tear his gaze away from Mink’s impassive one. Then, Ren stepped towards Mink, muttered a few words in his ear and Mink nodded. 

“We’ll take him in,” Mink announced nonchalantly as he lighted up his cigar. “Captain would want to see him.” 

The loud cheers were so deafening, as if they were attempting to split the dark sky apart.

 

\--

 

The pirate ship may have been two times bigger than his previous cruise ship, but it was far more modest looking and it was obviously very well taken care of. 

His hands were firmly tied behind his back with a rope, but he had no intention of escaping anyway. He couldn't help but laugh at himself as he realized that he was always being put into these kinds of situations, in which he was given no options and all he could do was to accept his fate and wait for things to happen. 

The man hauling him across the deck and along the corridor was gentle, while the guys who had planted the biggest impression on Noiz – Mink, the white-haired guy and Ren – were nowhere to be seen. They didn't speak to each other; rather, there was nothing to be said. Noiz’s destiny was still unknown, and he figured that no one would want to talk to a person who might be dead in another few hours, or even minutes. 

He was brought to one of the cabins located near the end of the ship. The man opened the door for him and gestured him to go in, quickly slamming the door shut. Standing in the empty room, Noiz couldn't find anything to do besides scanning around the place. It was bigger than the cramped cabin he used to live in and more completed in terms of furniture and things that provided daily needs. He didn't know what he should expect. So he just sat on the bed, fiddling with his tied wrists which were now raw from the continuous friction against the rough-textured ropes. 

And he waited. 

He didn't know how long he had been waiting. Various possibilities about the person he was going to meet ran through his mind. Would he be an old man with rows of rotten, horrible looking teeth? Or would he be another one of those muscular men he’d seen earlier? Every possibility now seemed to possess an equal chance, especially when he knew nothing about the 'Captain'. He knew that no matter how hard he considered the chances, he would never know the answer until the man appeared before him. But keeping his brain working was the only thing he could do now; it was the only thing that helped him hold his consciousness. 

But he was tired. He was drenched in a mixture of awful liquids, he hadn't gotten a chance to eat anything, and his wounds were untreated, some of them even started bleeding again. Perhaps it was because of the overuse of his brain or it could’ve also been the limit his body was hitting, but very soon he collapsed onto the bed, his vision slowly blurring out. The lapping of the sea water against the ship became a lullaby, gently lulling him into sleep. Before he knew it, his tired body won the battle over his brain and he closed his eyes, submitting himself to darkness.

 

  

What awoke him few hours later was the smell of a thick cigar. Grunting, he sat up with slight difficulty and opened his eyes. His vision wasn't really sharp yet but he could see a man, dressed in a long, black jacket with his back facing him and sitting in the center of the room. The man was looking at a piece of parchment, which Noiz assumed to be a map of some sort based on the dots and the way they were being connected. Trying not to make any sound, he intended to stand up, but failed badly when he realized his feet were disobeying him again. The loud thump he made when he stumbled back onto the bed captured the attention of the uninvited guest. 

“You’re awake.” 

He spoke with a gravelly tone, but it was not as deep as Mink’s, and it held a certain extent of suppressed kindness which Noiz didn't know he needed until he heard it. He had been surrounded by harsh voices all his life. The contrast he felt now made his tension go away immediately and unexpectedly. He tried to move his hands but realized that they were still restrained. He could still feel the rough texture of the ropes on his hands, but at the same time, he also felt a different kind of texture on his skin that wasn't there when he passed out. As he moved his attention to his body, he saw that his wounds were treated and wrapped neatly with bandages. Who treated his wounds? Was it this man? Who was he in the first place? 

As if hearing his inner thoughts, the man stood up and walked towards him. Now that the gentle morning light was falling on his features, the sailor could finally see his face properly. The man had an eye patch across his right eye, which was further covered by his bangs. He wasn't as old as how Noiz had imagined him to be, and he wasn't as muscular as well. 

It wasn't hard to notice that the man had been through hell, but what perplexed Noiz the most was the way he looked at him. At first glance, his ruby-colored eyes showed little to no emotions, but the tenderness behind those eyes was still obvious, no matter how hard he was trying to hide it. He was obviously trying to stay composed, but it seemed like his composure was slowly fading away. The moment Noiz’s lime-green eyes made contact with his ruby-colored ones, he averted them, instantly proving Noiz’s guess right. 

When the man turned back towards him, his eyes had lost the tenderness and were replaced with a tinge of sharpness that reflected the nature of his eye color perfectly. Noiz merely stared at him, patiently waiting for the next thing to happen. 

“I want you to tell me your name, where you come from, and what you were doing on that ship.” 

His voice was no longer the gentle one from before; instead, it became fiercer, and the question sounded more like a demand than a request. One look at the man told Noiz that he was also a bunch of contradictions and he knew perfectly well how the situation would end up if he tried to test his limits even a little. The nervousness was starting to fade away as he shot the man a stern stare of his own, his lips curving into a small smirk. 

“Why would I want to tell anything to a stranger who didn't even have the courage to show his face to the world?” 

The fury in the man obviously heightened. His frown deepened as he glared angrily at Noiz, who gave out a satisfied smirk upon seeing the reaction. He knew he was merely acting out of pure impulse and he knew perfectly well who this person was. He shouldn't be offending him but he wanted to see how far he could go. He wanted to see what was so remarkable or dreadful about this Grim Reaper of the Sea. 

It didn't take too long for the man to snap and he advanced at the sailor, grabbing his collar and slamming him hard against the wall, making the window glass above them shatter in pieces from the impact. Their faces were merely inches apart from each other when the pirate growled irritably into Noiz’s face. 

“Brat, do you understand what position you’re in now? I could blow your head off, I could throw you into the sea, I could cut your throat open. I could do all of those now.” 

He hissed every single word between his teeth and Noiz deepened his smirk as he continued staring straight into the furious man’s eyes. 

“Then why are you not doing them now?” His voice was small, almost a whisper. But the mocking was obvious and the pirate wasn't going to ignore it. It was the same as how he was being threatened over the past four years that he’d spent on the cruise ship. 

He was going to test the man’s limits. It would be really interesting to see if he could _really_ blow his head off, throw him into the sea, or cut his throat open. 

At first, he thought the man was serious about cutting his throat as he reached towards his belt and retrieved a small dagger. Then, he traced the blade along Noiz’s face and all the way down his throat, but the blade left as quickly as it came and Noiz was suddenly free of his restraints. 

He didn't know what happened. He thought the man was furious enough to act on his impulse. Killing a man should be a piece of cake for him. He should be used to it. Before Noiz could figure out an answer, the pirate’s grip had moved to his neck, his clutch tightening with every passing second. Suddenly, his lungs were in a desperate need of air and he started choking. Gripping on the man’s hand reflexively, his eyes started to water, his vision blurring out and his consciousness slowly fading. 

So the pirate wasn't planning to give him a quick death, but a slow, painful, suffocating one instead. 

Just when he thought he was finally reaching his limit, the grip on his neck softened. He coughed and took a few deep breaths, desperately inhaling as much air as he could until his breathing fell back to normal. 

Looking up through watery eyes, he saw the man grinning at him. The pirate was not wearing the type of smirk that would usually lure the rebellious nature out of Noiz. Instead, his stare was unreadable, struggling between the thin line of ferocious and tender. 

“Are you ready to spit it out now?” the pirate asked, swinging the dagger around dangerously. 

Smirking at how immaturely persistent this man could be, Noiz retorted with a hoarse voice. 

“Not until you tell me who _you_ are, old man.” 

The grin disappeared from the man’s face and he advanced towards Noiz again, gripping his jaw and forcing him to look him in the eyes. 

“You seriously want to meet death that badly, huh?” he muttered dangerously. 

“I don’t care,” was Noiz’s cold reply. 

The simple answer seemed to create a repulsive reaction in the pirate, and his eyes widened as he stared unblinkingly at Noiz, suddenly becoming increasingly interested with his captive. The slight trembling Noiz felt on his jaw told him that the old man was hesitating. 

So this was the most powerful man on the sea, huh? 

“I could kill you at this very moment. You wouldn't even have a chance to say your last words,” the pirate continued as he slid the dagger up his neck.

Instead of responding verbally, Noiz pushed his head slightly forward, causing the blade to cut into his skin as fresh blood oozed out of his newly formed wound and dripped down his neck. The unexpected action stunned the man. He was about to pull his dagger back when Noiz clutched his hand, forcing it back towards his throat and deepening the wound in the process. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” the man finally lost it. 

“Aren't you trying to kill me? Do it, then,” Noiz responded, his tone flat and emotionless. 

“Aren't you afraid of death?” 

“I told you, I don’t care.” 

Clicking his tongue, the man pulled his hand out of Noiz’s grip with brutal strength and tore the blade away from his skin. As he backed away, wiping the blood from the blade, Noiz traced his finger along the wound, raising it up to his face and licking the blood away as the familiar taste of metal spread in his mouth. 

“Tastes weird.” 

The man was transfixed with his actions. When Noiz attempted to push his finger into the wound again, he jumped forward and grabbed his wrist, stopping him. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” 

“You really like that question, huh?” Noiz retorted and struggled out of the man’s clutch. “This is my body. I do whatever I want with it and it’s none of your business.” 

The man seemed to be lost for a mere second before he quickly snapped back to himself. 

“Well, I've got a bad news for you, kid. You’re no longer in charge of your body. I captured you. Both your soul and your body belong to me now.” 

“And who are you again?” 

It was obvious that Noiz was mocking him, and the man knew it. But he’d witnessed enough reckless actions from Noiz to know that violence would no longer work on him. Sighing, he collapsed beside Noiz and took his cigar out, lighting it up casually and blowing the smoke out of his mouth. 

“Who do you think I am?” 

His tone had returned to the gentler one he’d used on Noiz when he’d first met him. Noiz frowned. He didn't like the way things changed in such a rapid manner without his control. Leaning lazily against the wall, he crossed his arms and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the annoying smell of cigar smoke now invading his nose. 

“I can only see an old man.” 

The said old man smirked. 

It wasn't the same smirk he’d worn only minutes ago; it was a genuine, lighthearted smirk that confused Noiz even further. It didn't match with the impression he had built in his head at all. He’d expected a Captain to be ferocious, rude, cruel, aggressive, or anything else that suggested violence. That was at least what he’d gathered from rumors and facts. But when the Captain’s small smile occupied his line of vision, needless to say, he was stunned. 

This was no Captain; this was just a man who _tried_ to be one. This man was just like him - a man who was merely trying to survive in a situation which was being forced upon him. 

He was just another man. 

“And all I can see now is a brat.” 

This time, it was Noiz’s turn to smirk. The Captain was right. He was a brat; an obnoxious one, at that. 

“So, do you want anything, _brat_?” the Captain continued, his eyes now resonating a light as gentle as the sunlight pouring into the cabin. 

“…do you have food?” 

The question drew another smirk to his face. It was starting to annoy Noiz. Why was he smirking? Why was he so different from others? 

But he didn't have time to contemplate this any further as the man discarded his cigar and stood up, attaching the dagger back to his belt and walking towards the door. 

“Old man—“ 

“Koujaku.” 

…? 

“My name is Koujaku. Engrave that into your skull, brat.” 

Kou-ja-ku. 

He’d never made any effort to remember anyone’s name before. 

Kou-ja-ku. 

So that was the name of the contradicting Captain. 

“Noiz.” 

“Huh?” 

He blurted the word out of impulse. Then, he looked up and stared at the Captain, who was now looking at him, his hand resting on the doorknob. 

“My name is Noiz. Remember that, old man.”

 

 


	3. Layers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noiz soon realized that the pirate ship hold more secrets than he expected. He didn't know what to expect; he might be stepping into a dangerous zone; but it didn't matter, he only needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) is a wonderful beta. Thank you <33

They didn't lock him up. He wasn't relieved; instead, he was curious. This was certainly not what he’d expected from a group of supposedly ferocious pirates. He didn't go through any physical or mental torture either. Instead, he was given food three times a day and the crew smiled at him whenever they saw him. The food wasn't particularly great but it was more than enough for him. No one asked him to do anything; in fact, no one talked to him at all, and he ended up spending most of his time on the deck. 

This huge turn of events troubled him. He usually found no difficulties in understanding the reasons behind most people’s doings. Human beings were selfish by nature and they only wanted things for themselves. That was what he’d learned throughout his entire life. But the new reality he was forced into now confused him and he no longer knew what was happening anymore. 

It was starting to frustrate him greatly.

On his second day on board, the white-haired guy from before – he finally learned that his name was Clear – crashed into his cabin, bringing along a person he’d never met before. He had black hair, complemented by a pair of black eyes. His smile was what captured Noiz’s attention first. It was a kind of smile that possessed the power to calm a person down. When Clear introduced him as Noiz’s caretaker, the sailor snorted, because he knew perfectly well that the word ‘caretaker’ actually meant ‘the one selected to keep an eye on him’ in their language. Even though none of the crew members treated him harshly, it still didn't change the fact that he was an outsider, a foreigner who couldn't contribute anything to the group. 

He’d tried offering help but he soon realized that what he’d offered turned out to be more of trouble than an actual help. There were a lot of operational functions that he had yet to learn. So, he decided to just stay put at the end of the day and spend most of his time observing what others were doing instead. At least he was good at observing. Merely through observation, he learned that Clear was the fighting instructor who trained both new and old crews on a daily basis. He also learned that Mink was the right-hand man and also the Captain’s messenger. Ren seemed to be the quietest but also the most intelligent person on the ship. The Captain obviously held a lot of trust towards him, judging on the way he made decision on his behalf during critical moments. Sei – his ‘caretaker’ - wasn't a fighter, but he was in charge of most of the domestic needs on the ship. He was probably the kindest person in the group, and he often showered Noiz with his compassion whenever he got the chance to do so. 

There was no clear indication on whether the crew members welcomed or rejected his existence on the ship. Although the sense of closeness was obvious among the crew, it wasn't hard to miss the undefined tension that Noiz constantly felt within the group, no matter how hard they’d tried to conceal it. After a few attempts of snooping around for information, Noiz finally identified the root of the tension. It was stemmed from a firm principal implemented by the Captain. Every once a while, the Captain would send a selected few people back to their hometowns. It was something Noiz couldn't understand, though. He couldn't understand why the crew members would feel so unwilling to return to their hometowns. Wasn't it supposed to be something good? Shouldn't they feel relieved? But what confused Noiz the most was the motive behind this principal. He couldn't understand why the Captain was so carefree about the idea. Wouldn't he be afraid of the leak of information?

 

Because Noiz knew that, if he himself had the chance, he would definitely sell information of such a prominent pirate group to people who wanted them dead.

There were a lot of mysteries that he had yet to understand. 

And of course, the Captain himself was yet another huge mystery.

 

Ever since he’d threatened to kill him the first time they’d set eyes on each other, Koujaku was often nowhere to be seen. Even when he suspected that the Captain spent most of his time in his own cabin, the newcomer never knew where his cabin was, and he doubted that anyone would feed him that information without suspecting his motives. There were only two times when Noiz got to see Koujaku – when the Captain briefed the crew before they set off for another invasion, and when he spent his time in Noiz’s cabin after the crew returned from their invasion. Even when they were in the same room, they kept to themselves most of the time. Koujaku would sit at his usual spot and examine a map which he always carried around with him while Noiz would sit by the window and gaze blankly at the ocean. He couldn't understand why the Captain would choose _his_ cabin of all places. He could've just stayed in his own room instead, which Noiz was pretty sure was far more secluded and could better satisfy his privacy needs. His confusion heightened even more when Koujaku started smiling at him and ruffling his hair before he left his place.

 

But it was not always that calm and happy. There were also times when Koujaku crashed into his room in a terrible mood. Ironically, this was the only time when Noiz knew how to handle him; it was also the only time when they had aggressive contacts with each other. Noiz was used to being raged at; what he wasn't used to was someone actually treating him like he was their equal. He knew that letting out their anger was an effective way for people to feel better, but Koujaku was clearly unfamiliar with this remedy. Noiz had seen through him during the first time he’d stormed into his room violently, sat at his usual spot and stayed quiet. He was expecting an abuse of some sort but when it didn't come, he realized that the older man was, in fact, concealing his emotions. And that was when Noiz knew that the Captain needed a trigger. 

 

So, he became his trigger.

 

No one in the entire ship dared to piss the Captain off. No one, except Noiz. 

Sometimes they engaged in destructive, intense physical contacts; other times, it was merely them throwing nasty insults at each other, as if they were trying to stab each other with words.

 

Their arguments ended with Koujaku slamming the door shut most of the time. Then Noiz would find Sei carrying a first-aid kit into his cabin the next day as he sighed and gave him a long lecture, telling him to stop stepping on Koujaku’s tail and that he was a dangerous man.

Noiz knew that Koujaku was the one who wanted Sei to treat his wounds. It wasn't hard to figure out the older man at all. 

But Noiz wanted to know even more about him.

He didn't know why he was so persistent when it came to the Captain. Maybe he was just bored, or maybe it was simply his instinct acting on its own.

 

When he walked out of his cabin with bandaged limbs and head, the crew would just stare at him. He was pretty sure that they knew what happened; it was just that no one had the guts to ask him _why_ it had happened. The intense curiosity he could feel practically radiating from them made it apparent that no one had ever seen or felt their Captain’s wrath before, let alone witnessed his fury being put in action.

 

At first, he thought that he was only irritating Koujaku to spice up his new pirate life. But as time passed by, he realized that the Captain’s contradictions were the main reason for these impulsive urges. Koujaku was as contradicting as Noiz, but at least Noiz was better at speaking his thoughts out loud, something Koujaku really needed to learn.

And that revelation piqued Noiz’s interest greatly. 

He wanted to push his limits so that he could peel off the layers that were concealing the pirate’s true self. If he were to look at it from a more rational perspective, then he would probably listen to Sei’s advice and stop irritating the Captain. If he kept pushing his limits, he would probably get killed. 

But when he stared blankly at the endless ocean – something he tended to do when he was bored – he realized that he didn't mind it after all. His primary resolve still remained unchanged. 

 _If he could choose the way to die, he wouldn't mind dying at the hands of a pirate_.

 

It didn't even matter that the pirate wasn't as menacing-looking at he’d expected him to be. He was still the Grim Reaper, and an interesting one indeed.

 

* * *

 

“But, Captain!”

“My decision is final.” 

Noiz was on his way back to his cabin one night when he overheard a commotion near the end of the corridor. Even after he’d sneaked into his room and closed his door quietly behind him, he could still hear the two arguing voices. 

“Captain, I've only been here for two months! Please don’t send me back! Benishigure is my family. This is my home!” 

There was a short silence before Noiz overheard Koujaku giving out a small sigh, then he heard the sound of a hand patting against the rough fabric material.

“Two months is enough. Your real home is not here.” A pause. “I really appreciate the support you've given me all this while. But it’s enough. You need to go home. You real family is waiting.” 

The chances of the crew members seeing their Captain were as rare as Noiz’s. In fact, there were only two times when the crew got their chance to see Koujaku. One of them was the time before they set out for their next invasion, in which Koujaku’s appearance and strong drive often heightened the crew’s spirit. But when the Captain knocked on their cabin doors personally, they knew that what they feared had finally arrived on their doorstep. 

Noiz had been on board long enough to notice that no one wanted to be sent home. The ship was their home, and their crew mates were their family. 

No one knew why Koujaku was so persistent with this rule and no one dared to question his decision. Koujaku was their Captain, obeying his instructions was the number one house rule. 

Noiz waited for a few more seconds before he opened the door and was immediately faced with a surprised Koujaku, who seemed to be spacing out before the former sailor appeared before him. 

“Oh, I forgot that your room is here.” 

Oh, really? 

No one said anything after that. Koujaku leaned against the wooden railing, his features obscured by the weak moonlight behind him. Noiz merely stared at him. He didn't know why he came here in the first place and now he didn't know what he should do. Then, Koujaku took out his cigar, lighted it, and started smoking as Noiz watched the wisps of smoke ascended swiftly into the cold night air, blurring the stars above them. 

“You heard that?” 

Koujaku broke the silence. His gaze was empty and distracted, and he wasn't looking at Noiz. 

The Captain’s strong front was a proud trademark of his. Noiz knew that possessing that kind of trait was necessary in order to be a leader – sometimes a strong front was even more convincing than words. Not to mention that his confident, assuring “No matter what, stay alive” speech he’d repeat every time he got the chance only further enhanced his leadership composure.

He was so strong, yet so weak at the same time. Noiz didn't believe him. He didn't believe that a man could remain so strong for so long. He wanted to draw his weakness out, and he wanted to see who he _really_ was under that mask. 

Taking his silence as a yes, Koujaku gave out a light smile. Noiz knew that the smile wasn't intended for him. It was for the part of Koujaku that he had yet to find out. 

“Why do you do that?” Noiz asked. 

“Do what?” 

“Sending people home so often. Isn't it troublesome to recruit and train new people all over again?” 

Koujaku inhaled a lungful of smoke and blew it out swiftly before answering. 

“They need to go home. There’re people waiting for them. If it’s troublesome, then so be it.” 

Noiz took a moment to understand what he meant before he moved and stood next to Koujaku, leaning against the wooden handrail just like Koujaku did. Taking the cigar off the older man’s hand and putting it to his own lips, he asked.

“Then why are  _you_  not going home?” 

The silence wasn't the answer he wanted.

* * *

 

Noiz was waiting for his turn to be sent home but it never came. Slowly, seeing people come and go had become a routine for him. He didn't know why Koujaku was still keeping him by his side. He had no use for him. He was a leech. 

But no matter how many farewells the Captain had bid, he never sent Mink, Ren, Clear and Sei home either. 

They never left.

* * *

 

It had been three months since Noiz started his new life on the pirate ship. He never got more wounds besides the ones he brought upon himself. Ever since he lost the constant feel of heavy pressure against his skin, he suddenly felt a sense of loss that he couldn't quite define. That was when he realized that perhaps it was about time to voice out the fact that he couldn't feel pain to Koujaku, and to make him realize that this inability of his was a potential tool the pirate could make use of. 

His inability to feel pain had always been a great help to prevent him from having to deal with unnecessary distractions.

But things he could feel bothered him greatly, such as the boredom that was starting to creep up on him. He’d studied his surroundings enough to quit playing his game. Now he needed some sort of change before the situation returned to how it used to be when he was on the cruise ship. At least he had frequent physical contacts to keep him interested back when he was stuck on that luxurious ship. But now, he had nothing. Koujaku didn't invade ships every day, he didn't stop by every day, and they didn't end up in fights like they used to. He needed to do something, anything. He was even fine with the idea of being at the front line. He was fine with the idea of fighting, and he needed to tell Koujaku that. 

So he waited for his chance. And finally, it came one night. 

He knew that there was another invasion that night, so he decided to use the chance when Koujaku stopped by his cabin after that to spill his frustration out. Instead of waiting in his room, he waited near the deck. Noiz had noticed that the crew would usually return with a few youngsters, similar to how he’d ended up here few months back. But he got suspicious when the few new faces he was expecting to see the next day were nowhere to be seen. 

Today, however, they returned empty-handed. Koujaku waited for the whole crew to return safely to the ship before he beckoned Mink for his report. The crew was dismissed shortly after that. Noiz could hear the Captain’s footsteps approaching behind the corner where he was hiding and when Koujaku turned the corner, he bumped headfirst into the sailor, causing him to reach back impulsively for his dagger and back off a few steps. When he realized it was Noiz, his frown softened and his tension decreased almost instantly as he relaxed his posture. 

“Goddammit, Noiz. Don’t do that again. I could kill you by accident.” 

The pirate lived a life filled with severe tension. It was part of the pirate’s lifestyle to expect sudden assaults anytime and anywhere. 

Ignoring Koujaku’s comment, Noiz turned and walked towards his cabin. As the familiar smell of cigar smoke invaded his nose, he looked back to see the Captain following behind him, his eyes stuck on the same old map. 

When he opened his cabin’s door, Koujaku followed him in, as if it was the most natural thing to do. He lighted up the candle on the table and slumped on the bed while the Captain sat at his usual spot, instantly starting to draw circles and lines on his map. 

Noiz only looked up when he heard a soft click of tongue. The pirate was concentrating so hard Noiz could see a frown forming between his eyebrows. Sometimes he got so indulged in looking at the map that he forgot everything else around him. Like now. 

He didn't notice when Noiz crept up behind him and cautiously pulled the small dagger off his belt. Leaning forward, he blew hot air into Koujaku’s ear, causing the older man to suddenly snap back to his senses as he attempted to stand up but froze when the cold blade was pressed against his throat. He stared as Noiz towered over him with a small grin on his face straddling his thighs and bringing their faces closer. 

“You let your guard down,” he said quietly, his voice mocking. 

Noiz pressed the dagger deeper into Koujaku’s skin, stopping only when the blood was drawn. He watched expressionlessly as the red liquid dripped along the blade, down the handle, and finally onto Noiz’s fingers. Koujaku was about to push Noiz off when the felt a wet and warm sensation against his new cut, halting his action immediately. 

“Hmm, tastes weird.” 

“It’s blood. What do you expect?” Koujaku growled, finally finding his voice. 

Humming, Noiz moved slightly away from Koujaku, the increased space between them allowing Koujaku to breathe more easily. 

“I thought the blood of a Grim Reaper would taste different,” Noiz replied nonchalantly as he pushed the dagger into the Captain’s hand and went to sit on his bed, acting as if nothing had happened. 

“What are you? A vampire?” Koujaku grunt out, his heartbeat still thumping loudly in his ears from the shock earlier. 

“Maybe.” 

Noiz’s response caused Koujaku to stare at him as if he was some kind of joke. It was possible, though. He knew nothing about Noiz and he might just turn out to be a werewolf or something. 

“You've got some guts pulling a stunt like that on me.” 

“Hmm? So what are you gonna do about it? Slit my throat?” 

“I could, brat. You know I could. You just attacked a Captain.” 

“You’re just an old man.” 

“… shitty brat.” 

Koujaku hastily wiped the blood on his throat away and finally focused his attention on Noiz, who was now looking lazily at him from his bed. 

“What do you want?” he asked, the irritation still obvious in his tone. 

Satisfied with his response, Noiz grinned. 

“I want to go out there.” 

Koujaku had expected this day to come. He shook his head, eyes darting back to the map instantly. 

“No,” he said, his tone stern.

“Why?” 

“Do you know how to fight?” 

“Not really tough ones, but I can—“ 

“Do you know how to treat serious injuries?” 

“… no, but—“ 

“Do you know how to negotiate?” 

“… I can—“ 

“Then it’s a no. Now keep quiet, brat.” 

Koujaku never gave him any chance to speak for himself. Forcefully ending the conversation, the pirate went back to his map, now tracing his finger along the thin fine line on it. Noiz was obviously unsatisfied with the way he was treated. He knew that Koujaku would no longer listen to him now that he had – in a way – proven to him how useless he was. The frustration he had been feeling for the past month magnified greatly now that he was being put in such a cornered situation. Even when he was not locked up physically, he still felt restricted in a lot of ways. Koujaku obviously knew that he couldn't do anything for the group, and he didn't seem to have the intention to train him into becoming one of them either. Then why was he still keeping him here? 

As they fell back into silence, Noiz moved away from his bed and sat right in front of Koujaku. He knew the older man hadn't ignored him completely. He was just a good actor, like how he always was. 

And soon enough, Koujaku looked up at him, a frown obvious between his eyebrows. 

“What?” 

“Does the Captain want to listen to a story?” 

Koujaku lifted one of his eyebrows. Noiz had never showed enthusiasm before and all this while, he had been keeping a safe distance away from Koujaku unless the latter approached him. He had never been so straightforward before, not to mention that he was actually trying to engage in a proper conversation with him. 

Without waiting for an answer, Noiz’s mouth curved into a small grin as he fixed his gaze on Koujaku’s indecisive one. 

“Once upon a time, there was a boy who was raised in a prestigious, wealthy family. Both of his parents were healthy and his brother was a great companion. He ate good food every day and he had the best education. Everything in his life was perfect and every time he saw the beautiful family portrait hanging on the wall, he was proud. He was happy to be so blessed with such a wonderful life.” 

Koujaku’s attention was completely fixed on every single word that Noiz was saying. He knew that Noiz was talking about himself. He was definitely interested with the young man, but he’d never thought of forcing the truth out of him despite having a burning desire to know more about him. He was especially interested with the reason that caused this brat to be so fearless towards death.

“Everything was happy and perfect. The boy thought he’d end up in a good school, graduate, find a nice job, and live happily ever after. But no, the boy made a mistake. He said something he shouldn't have.” 

Noiz paused. Standing up, he paced behind the pirate before he stopped, leaning towards Koujaku until his mouth was merely inches away from his ear. 

“He said, ‘Mom, I can’t feel pain.’” 

The surrounding air froze. Koujaku’s breath hitched uncontrollably and his eyes widened in surprise. As he turned around, he immediately came face to face with Noiz. Chills ran down his spine the moment he saw the brat smirking teasingly at him.

He couldn't understand Noiz at all. He’d just said something so sad and distressing. How could he still have that smile on his face? 

“Noi—“ 

“And ever since that day, everything changed.” 

Ignoring Koujaku, Noiz walked to his bed and slumped on it as he stared at the ceiling and continued. 

“No one talked to him anymore, he became nothing to everyone. He thought that he would be fine as long as he was still safe and sound in his own house. But he was wrong. So _very_ wrong.” 

His voice became smaller, his emotion fading away as he continued, staring blankly up ahead and allowing the memories to replay over and over again in his mind. 

“He woke up in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by people he didn’t know. He was terrified. He had never been in an unknown situation like this in his entire life. People started abusing him. They beat him up, they used his body for their own pleasure, and sometimes they didn’t even feed him. He didn't know what went wrong, or what was going on. But there was one thing he knew for certain.” Koujaku was now gaping at him with a confused expression on his face as Noiz sat up, staring straight into his eyes.

“He lost his home.” 

Silence spread across them. Noiz continued staring at Koujaku intensely, waiting for a response. Koujaku’s eyes were on Noiz, not knowing  _how_  to respond. 

“Noiz, I—“ 

“So what do you think of that story? Is it good?” 

The pirate clicked his tongue and turned away. He couldn't stand seeing Noiz’s nonchalant way of dealing with something so terrible. A slight guilt formed within him and he found himself catching his breath from the overwhelmed emotions. This was one of the worst things that could happen to a child. What the hell was this family thinking?

“Hey.” 

The small, husky voice caught his attention and he looked sideways at Noiz, who was still giving him an emotionless stare.

“Why didn't you send me home?” 

Koujaku gritted his teeth, his nails digging into the wooden table. He had never felt so powerless in his life before. He was cornered by a brat. By a _damn brat_. 

“Why didn't you ask me about my home? Why didn't you ask me about  _anything_?”

Noiz’s voice was ringing in his ears. It wasn't annoying, but every single word the sailor muttered pierced straight into Koujaku’s chest. Could Noiz feel the pain he was feeling now? Did his inability to feel physical pain numb his ability to feel emotional pain as well? Was that the reason why he could talk in such an indifferent manner? 

Could he understand emotions at all?

“Why, Captain?” 

Finally reaching his limit, Koujaku stood up and advanced towards Noiz as he grabbed his shoulders and pushed him aggressively against the bed. Noiz was smirking at him. It was the smirk he always gave him even when Koujaku was filled with so much rage he was ready to break a few of his bones. But the story had obviously created an impact on him. His grip wasn't as destructive as usual, and the punches he was expecting still didn't come.

He was hesitating. The Captain was hesitating. 

“Go home, Captain,” Noiz whispered. “I no longer have a home to return to. But you have one, right? Go home.” 

Noiz felt Koujaku’s grip tremble as he gave out a shaky sigh and shook his head.

“I… I can’t.” 

His voice was slightly hoarse and he wasn't looking at Noiz. But it wasn't hard to miss the intense emotions that were now reflecting in his eyes. He’d lost the strong heated stare Noiz was so used to seeing and now all he could see was pain. A lot of it. 

“Why?” Noiz continued, his voice as small as Koujaku’s, but making sure that every one of his words reached him as he moved his hand towards him, touching the pirate’s face. 

“Why, Koujaku?” 

No one on the ship has ever called him directly by his name before. The way Noiz pronounced his name sounded familiar yet foreign at the same time. Koujaku felt a swell of undefined emotion in his chest as he slowly released Noiz and sat at the corner of his bed without another word. 

Noiz approached him from behind, although he still maintained a safe distance between them. He had never seen Koujaku in this state before. Something he said must have triggered this part of him to come out. The pirate had always been composed. Even when he’d lost some of his composure when Noiz managed to annoy him enough, he was still stable enough to stop himself from killing him. Even though Noiz wanted to push his limits, the Koujaku he was facing now was the Koujaku he’d never seen before and ironically, he didn't know how to proceed from here. Half of him wanted to continue pushing his limits until the older man spilled everything out; another half of his was stopping him, telling him that the older man would break if he continued, and in turn, it would break him as well. 

“What are you afraid of?” 

“Shut up, brat. You don’t understand.” 

“Make me understand then.” 

“… you’re too young for this.” 

Noiz clicked his tongue. Since when did age become a problem? 

“You say that, even after knowing what I’d gone through?”

Koujaku shook his head. 

“Keep quiet.” 

“Not until you tell me about yourself.” 

Koujaku looked over his shoulder and glared at him. 

“You’re seriously getting on my nerve.” 

“That’s the point.” 

“You little—“ 

“Tell me.” 

“Shut—“ 

“Tell me.” 

“Goddammit, shut—“ 

“Tell me.” 

That was when Koujaku lost it. Noiz suddenly felt a destructive pressure on one side of his face, causing him to lose balance as he felt himself being thrown backwards and in the next second, he was facing the ceiling again. But before he could sit up, Koujaku had hovered over him, his hands almost reaching his throat before he suddenly froze and got off him. 

He’d managed to lure his pirate instincts out, but Koujaku was clearly regretting his actions as he retreated back to the corner of the bed and buried his face in his hands. 

“You’re ruining my life, you little shit.” 

Even though most of his voice was muffled by his hands, Noiz could still hear every word he muttered. 

“I want to know.” 

He was surprised by his own persistence. But it was only fair. He’d told Koujaku about himself, now it was his turn. 

“I want to know about you,” he repeated as he inched closer towards the pirate. 

“There’s nothing special about me,” Koujaku muttered, the hint of resistance still obvious in his voice. 

“But I want to know. I want to know about the man who said that he owns me.” 

That sentence made Koujaku lift his head as he looked over his shoulder once again. Noiz had never shown such eagerness before. It could be boredom that has prompted his action, and Koujaku could be just another one of his tools to get rid of it. But still, the hint of genuine curiosity written all over Noiz’s face was distracting him. It was a type of honesty he never knew Noiz possessed. Even so, he was wary. He had never told anyone about himself before and he’d only known Noiz for three months. Was it enough? 

Maybe not. 

“Like I said, there’s nothing special about me. I’m just a Captain. Some call me the Grim Reaper of the Sea. But the truth is, I’m nothing. I’m just the leader of a pirate group who survives out of pure dumb luck.” 

He was telling the truth. But that was not what Noiz wanted to hear. 

“I don’t want to know about the Captain. The only person I’m interested in is the man called Koujaku.” 

He was stunned. When was the last time someone had actually acknowledged him in this way? Not as the Captain of Benishigure, not as the Grim Reaper of the Sea, but as  _Koujaku_? 

Swallowing the lump in his throat and trying very hard to ignore the loud thumping of his own heartbeat in his ears, Koujaku shifted a little and beckoned the brat to sit beside him. The sharp stare Noiz was shooting him now made him shiver slightly and he quickly averted his gaze. God, the brat was _really_ ruining his life. Sighing, he pointed towards the map on the table. 

“Pass me the map.” 

Noiz obeyed. When the map was spread in front of them, Koujaku pointed at a few spots which he had crossed out. 

“These are places we had explored, and these are ships we had invaded.” 

“And your point is?” 

“Patience, brat,” Koujaku continued. “And these are places we have yet to explore, and ships we have yet to invade.” 

There were only few places and ships left but when Noiz was about to read the names, Koujaku folded the map and put it away. 

“I didn't do all these for fun. It’s not fun killing people.” 

“I figured.” 

“From the outside, Benishigure functions as real pirates. We kill people and we rob their treasure.” He raised his own hands to his face. “I've killed many. I've killed a lot of people.” 

Noiz remained silent. He figured out that much, but this hesitation behind Koujaku’s voice was definitely not what he expected.

“But we only take what we need. The other goods are given to poor cities. The youngsters we capture are sent home.” 

“After they’d seen your face?” 

“I don’t see every one of them. I have Ren to do the job for me.” 

“But you came to see me. Is that why you’re holding me hostage here? Because I've seen your face?”

Koujaku paused. 

“You’re… different.” 

Noiz was confused. But he didn't have the time to dwell in his confusion further because Koujaku started speaking again.

“Only a few people on this ship know the true reason of Benishigure’s existence.” 

Finally, Koujaku turned his gaze and looked directly at Noiz. 

“I’m searching for a friend.”

 

 


	4. The Heart of a Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The heart of man is very much like the sea, it has its storms, its tides and its depths; it has its pearls too.” - Vincent van Gogh 
> 
> There are different sides to a person. The thing is, how willing is one break through the boundaries just to accept another person into their heart?
> 
> Noiz unveiled another part of Koujaku, and vice versa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's non-consensual herb use in here. Thought I should state this just in case.
> 
> Thank you [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) for helping me out with this gigantic chapter again <33

_The celebration was supposed to be a joyful one._

_He’d saved for months so that he could bring him to somewhere new._

_He knew he’d be delighted because he’d never gotten the chance to visit a lot of places due to their financial constraints._

_At that moment of time, his happiness was the only thing that mattered._

_He wasn’t a useful man and he couldn’t afford a lot of things._

_But he wanted to use the very limited funds he had to make this important friend of his happy._

_It was supposed to be a happy vacation._

_“Koujaku, this is the best birthday present ever! Thank you!”_

_This was all he’d ever wanted._

_All the extra work he had to go through; all the scolding he had to endure._

_All of those didn’t matter anymore._

_But he was insatiable._

_Those words alone weren’t enough._

_He wanted to do more._

_More, more, more._

_He directed him to wait in a corner of a city neither of them were familiar with._

_He’d prepared a surprise._

_He wanted to make him happier._

_But it was a mistake. A huge mistake._

_When he returned, he was gone._

_He’d lost him in a city both of them knew nothing about._

_He lost him. He was gone._

 

 

The story was narrated with a tinge of pain barely concealed behind the very small voice of the pirate. His eyes were fixed on the bared wall as he recounted the story with little to no emotions in his voice. The way he spoke made it sound like he was simply telling a story that didn’t concern him at all. But Noiz knew of his struggles, just like how he’d told Koujaku _his_ story. He knew that the memories were replaying in his brain, like watching a silent movie through a first-person perspective.

Koujaku ended his story with a small sigh and moved his gaze down to the floor instead. If the unseen pressure and guilt within him were to take a form, it would probably be something that looked like a bunch of very dark, tangled wool.

He’d lost a friend on his nineteenth birthday. He’d planned a vacation for him and the said friend was delighted. But Koujaku had more plans. He wanted to impress him more and so, he insisted that the friend wait for him in a corner, his enthusiasm clouding his rational thoughts.

That was where he got careless.

He’d left him all alone in an alley.

When Noiz approached him warily, Koujaku was still stuck in his own memory. There wasn’t any apparent emotion on his face, but the suffocating atmosphere around him was more than enough for Noiz to know that the incident had hurt him so badly to the extent that it’d led him into changing his life completely.

But the mystery still remained and the story was left hanging. What happened after that? What happened to the friend? What led Koujaku here?

Before he could ask, Koujaku lifted his head and turned to look at Noiz.

“It was all my fault. The family raged at me and they had all the rights to do so. I lost their grandson, their brother. Anyone would be mad.”

“But you didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Even so… if I didn’t bring him out, if I didn’t leave him alone, he wouldn’t have—“

“You clearly couldn’t help it. It’s not entirely your fault.”

“No, Noiz, you don’t understand.”

“I do. The fact that you’re feeling so much guilt now has proven me right.”

Koujaku gaped at him. He could never win against the brat. Giving out another loud sigh, he took his cigar out and intended to light it up when Noiz snatched it out of his hand and threw it aside.

“Hey!”

“Smoking is bad for your health. Continue your story.”

Clicking his tongue, Koujaku frowned as he tried to figure out the best way to continue.

“I tried searching around the place but it was no use. The place was too huge and I didn’t know it very well either. He just… disappeared. Then, I tried asking around and that was when I finally found people who actually saw him. They said that they saw him being taken away. Apparently he was being forcefully dragged onto a ship which they suspected was a merchant ship.”

“Why didn’t anyone stop them?”

“They were rich merchants. And you know how it works. Money is power. They wouldn’t have stood a chance against them and no one wanted to get into trouble.”

_Filthy scumbags._

That was the first thought that crossed Noiz’s mind instantly upon hearing the way Koujaku described the situation. Although he was raised in a prestigious family, he never wanted to use his family’s wealth as an indication of the authority. It wasn’t fair. Some people were born rich; they were born surrounded by money and power. But what about people who were born in an average, or even poor family? What about people like Koujaku? Or even people like Koujaku’s friend? Who would listen to them? The whole ‘money equals power’ concept annoyed Noiz so much, to the extent that he got extremely frustrated when he was forced to attend social functions just because they needed to maintain their relationships with _other rich families_.

“I need to find him.”

Noiz turned and stared at the pirate’s silhouette upon hearing his determined voice. His hands were clenched into fists and his eyes held a dangerous light.

So _that_ was the reason why he was looking for youngsters.

“How did all of this lead you into becoming a pirate?”

“This was the fastest way. I couldn’t afford to spend too much time being recruited into different ships and then keep finding ways to escape. Honestly, I’m not even sure if he’s still alive. But I know one thing for sure,” supporting his chin with his knuckles, he continued. “If he’s alive, he’s definitely on a merchant ship. I’m gonna invade every one of them until I find him.”

Koujaku paused for a while and then a small smile spread across his face.

“Besides, being a pirate has its benefits too. I can rob the excess treasure from these unworthy people and give them to people who desperately need it.”

Noiz chuckled. Well, at least they were in the same line of thought when it came to this.

“But,” Koujaku frowned, “killing people is unavoidable. Being a pirate also means that you’ll be walking on a path of no return. That’s why I don’t want to get you involved. You’re still young and you have a future in front of you.”

“You have a future too.”

Feeling an undefined pool of warmth in his chest, Koujaku smiled gently and ruffled Noiz’s hair.

“No. Even though I’m doing all these with the intention to help, it still doesn’t deny the fact that I’ve killed many. I’m going straight to hell. When you’ve committed yourself to this type of life, you no longer have a choice for yourself.”

Noiz scowled and grabbed Koujaku’s hand, staring at the scarred knuckles. These were the proof of the many wars he’d gone through, of the many struggles he’d faced, and the many lonely nights he’d spent alone, with nothing and no one to accompany him besides his own solitude and conflicted mind.

Without warning, Noiz brought his knuckles close to his face, gently brushing them with his lips as Koujaku hitched his breath in response.

“No, Koujaku. You’re wrong.”

Koujaku shook his head.

“I’m not wrong. Like I said, you’re too young to understand all of this. I don’t want my friend to know that I’m doing all of these things either, that’s why I’ll disappear from his life after I retrieve him. I’m a disappointment and you’re—“

“I’ll prove you wrong.”

“… what?”

“I’m saying that you have a future and you have a new life waiting for you. I’ll show you how wrong you are.”

Koujaku was stunned for a brief moment before he gave out a small laugh and patted Noiz on the head.

“At least there’s one thing I’m right about when it comes to you.”

“What is it?”

“… you remind me of him.”

“Who?”

“My friend.”

As Noiz looked at him, confused, Koujaku picked up his cigar from the floor and brought it to his lips, lighting it up.

“Ren told me how stubborn and fearless you were when they found you. You behaved just like him – absolutely upfront and persistent, and you didn’t even care about what others think.”

“That was why you got interested in me? Because I remind you of your friend?”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Because I’m a replacement for him? That’s why you decided to keep me here?”

“No, Noiz, stop. You’re wrong.”

‘Replacement’ was such a sad word. The word stung Noiz in the heart the moment it rolled off his tongue. He had been unwanted his entire life and now that he’d heard what Koujaku said, that miserable feeling he was all too familiar with started invading him again, causing him to feel and an unbearable, suffocating sensation in his chest. He was in the midst of suppressing this frustrating and unfamiliar emotion when Koujaku stood in front of him and placed both of his hands on his shoulders.

“You’re wrong, Noiz. I admit that I keep coming back here because I’m comfortable around you, but you’re not anyone’s replacement. You’re Noiz, and I’m very well aware of that. You are the one who had reassured me and you, _Noiz_ , are the one who had always managed to calm me down.”

The constant repetition of his name was reassuring enough to convince Noiz that Koujaku was actually talking about him, not someone else. Noiz didn’t know why he would even care about things like that. It was not like they’d promised each other anything; there was no declaration of any sort. But somehow, the feeling of being needed made him indescribably… happy.

“I never want to smear your hands with blood and I don’t want you to walk my path. So, please, stop asking me to let you out there again.”

Koujaku continued sternly before he walked towards the window, gazing at the boundless sea and blowing cigar smoke out of his mouth.

“You’re contradicting yourself,” Noiz voiced out after a few moments of brief silence, instantly bringing Koujaku’s attention back to him.

“If you really mean what you just said, then why didn’t you send me home like you did others? That’s the fastest way to stop me from being involved too much, right?”

That was when Noiz realized that silence was a way for Koujaku to hide his doubts.

 

* * *

 

“Noiz-san! Are you in there?”

Noiz was reading a book he’d found under his bed when rapid knocks echoed from the door. When he opened it, he found himself facing an excited looking Clear.

“Come!”

Without giving him a chance to ask what was happening, Clear grabbed Noiz’s wrist and dragged him out of the room.

 

 

When they reached the deck, Noiz was surprised to find it filled with people. Noticing Noiz’s puzzled look, Clear beamed brightly at him and pushed him to the front.

“We’re having a celebration today!”

“Celebration?”

“We invaded the one hundredth ship ever since Benishigure had been formed yesterday. Captain said it called for a celebration!”

Noiz only remembered Koujaku being the Captain for three years, but he couldn’t remember the pirate group’s history, although he had a gut feeling that Koujaku wasn’t the founder of the group because he knew that this wasn’t a path he really wanted to walk on. He made a mental note to clarify this with Koujaku later.

 

They didn’t wait for too long before the chatter around them toned down and Koujaku made his way to the front. Now that the last sound of talking faded away, all eyes were fixed on Koujaku as he coughed lightly.

“I think you’re all familiar with why we are here tonight. As of yesterday, we had invaded the one hundredth ship ever since this group was formed and this deserves a good celebration,” he spoke in a loud and clear voice.

Huge waves of applause and cheers echoed through the night sky, the sound so loud it made Noiz feel a slight strain from the intense vibration in his eardrums. He was almost grateful when Koujaku gestured the crew to settle down as he continued his speech.

“I really appreciate the support all of you have given me throughout the three years I’ve been in charge of Benishigure. Some of you have been here for a few months, some for a few days. But no matter how long you have been here, all of you means a lot to me and I’ll always remember each and every one of you.”

“I’ve been here for four years,” Clear whispered into Noiz’s ear. That was almost as long as Koujaku.

No applauses or cheers were heard this time. Some of the crew looked at Koujaku and some at each other. Everyone was unsure of what to do, although it was obvious to Noiz that there should’ve been at least some cheers as a courtesy of the genuine appreciation Koujaku had just expressed.

Before the awkwardness started to spread, someone gave out a small clap, which led to more unsure clapping, and finally the ripple of claps erupted and slowly became a full round of applause, although it wasn’t hard to notice how hesitant they all sounded.

“We’ll continue our journey and we’ll continue to rule the sea!” Koujaku continued. The cheers heightened and the constant call of ‘Captain! Captain!’ resonated unceasingly and loudly. It was no doubt that Koujaku still possessed a certain degree of leadership. The crew members were still more than willing to throw their lives for their Captain. It was always a mystery for Noiz. He didn’t know how Koujaku did it. Perhaps it was because of the strong front he’d managed to portray without fail every single time he was faced with his crew members, or it could’ve also been the assurance in his voice.

Or it could’ve been simply because he was Koujaku.

As Koujaku announced the start of the feast, the team dissolved and Clear dragged Noiz into one of the largest cabins and pushed him into a chair. They were joined shortly by Sei, Mink and Koujaku himself.

“Captain, great speech as usual!” Clear quickly commented once Koujaku had settled down.

“Thanks, Clear. But it was really nothing special.”

“C’mon, there’s no need to be so humble!” Smiling happily, Clear grabbed the nearest food and gobbled it down. “By the way, Captain, the new batch of crew members is extremely talented! They’re quick to respond and are very eager to learn.”

“That’s good, I guess,” Koujaku replied casually as he stuffed a piece of meat into his mouth. “I hope the enthusiasm won’t last for too long, though.”

Clear took a quick sip of his drink and leaned closer to Koujaku as he stared gleefully at him.

“I think you’re the only Captain on this sea who wants to kick people out as soon as they join, Captain.”

Koujaku gave out a small grin. “Maybe.”

“No, no, that’s not the right response! You have to live up to your name! You should say something like ‘All of you must work here until the end of your life!’” Clear continued energetically, obviously unaware of the bitter smile now forming on Koujaku’s face.

“You know I can’t, Clear,” Koujaku responded steadily. “People only named me as such because they've never seen me before. I’m pretty sure that a lot of people would get disappointed upon finding out exactly how I really am.”

Koujaku ended that statement with a sideway gaze at Noiz. It was obvious that the comment was directed at him but the former sailor merely continued with eating his food without any response.

“Now, now, Clear. Our Captain has been doing very well all this while. Let’s not turn him into someone he’s not,” Sei smiled gently as he piled more food on everyone’s plate. His caretaker never spoke about himself for as long as Noiz knew him. Sometimes he wondered how Sei ended up in this situation. He obviously didn’t belong to the pirate family. Did he come here willingly? Or did he join the group under certain circumstances that Noiz was unaware of?

“Hey, by the way, Sei-san! We’re still waiting for you to tell us what type of person our Captain was before he came on board!”

Oh, so they’ve known each other for a long time?

“I wouldn’t want to risk getting a few of my bones crushed when your Captain wants history to be buried and never mentioned again,” Sei responded as he shot Koujaku a teasing look.

Koujaku coughed lightly and gulped down another cup of alcohol, pretending that he didn’t hear anything. It seemed that Koujaku and Sei had known each other for a long time indeed. There was definitely a history between the two of them which Noiz had no idea of. He only dealt with Koujaku most of the time and until now, his eyes were only on the Captain. However, his interest was piqued now that the topic of the other crew members’ history was brought up.

The people on this table were probably people who had stayed with Koujaku for the longest time ever.

Ren was silent most of the time. He seemed to be only interested in his food. The same went for Mink, although Noiz knew that his ears were focused on the conversation the whole time.

When they were almost done, Koujaku stepped away from the table, saying something about heading to the deck for some fresh air. Mink followed him not long after, although Noiz was unsure if he had some business with Koujaku or if he merely wanted to get away from the crowd.

 

In the four years he had been on board, Koujaku hadn’t had a lot of chances to enjoy the sea view in peace. Sei seemed to be very hesitant with the idea of him spending time alone on the deck, saying that it would heighten the chance of getting attacked. Koujaku would chuckle in reaction to that suggestion though. He knew that the possibility of that happening was probably one in a thousand, but he understood where Sei came from and he usually obeyed without question.

Now, though, when everyone was so occupied with being able to unwind for once, Koujaku figured that it would be a good chance for him to finally and properly enjoy the sea view – the sea which had become his home.

He was about to light his cigar when a hand holding an already lighted match appeared right in front of him and lighted it up for him. He turned around to see Mink standing beside him as he lighted his own cigar and leaned against the wooden handrail.

“Thanks.”

Perhaps Mink was here for a reason, and it was probably due to the fact that he’d noticed the difference in Koujaku’s behavior. Even if he had some of his doubts, he usually never pestered Koujaku about anything. But there was no way he would ignore the restlessness that he sensed within his Captain now. He’d noticed how unsure and distracted the Captain had become. Mink wasn’t a blind follower but he conformed to Koujaku’s decisions anyway, often with a few to no questions at all. Koujaku was grateful for that. He was never good at expressing himself, let alone giving out long explanations to others. But Mink seemed to be able to understand the whys behind his actions, showing that he trusted their leader, getting Koujaku’s trust in return. He had proved it through the way he entrusted Mink to speak and act on his behalf relatively often. Mink became the Captain’s messenger, and his high involvement in the leadership role often led people to believe that _he_ was actually the leader of Benishigure, just like Noiz almost did when they’d first met.

“Did you notice what’s happening?” Mink asked. His voice was guttural as usual and his question was vague. But Koujaku didn’t need more words to understand what he meant. When he nodded, Mink inhaled a lungful of cigar smoke and blew it out without another word.

Mink, just like Koujaku, wasn’t very good with words, and on top of that, he barely showed any expressions on his face. But somehow, they could always understand each other just fine.

“What do you plan to do about it?”

Koujaku didn’t respond; instead, he continued staring blankly at the black ocean surrounding them. Assuming that he didn’t catch his question, Mink repeated.

“Instructions, Captain.”

“No, I said not to use that term when we’re alone, Mink.”

The response was not what Mink wanted to hear. Koujaku had insisted that Mink call him by his name when they were out of earshot from the others, but he’d never heard his right-hand man obey that order before. Not even once.

Of course, he’d definitely noticed the unsettledness amongst his crew members. The crew had started becoming doubtful of his leadership capability. It wasn’t particularly serious at the moment but he knew that the situation would only become worse if he left it as it was. Although they’d never voiced anything out yet, Koujaku knew that sooner or later, their rebellious nature would resurface and it would be the end of everything.

Honestly, Koujaku wasn’t too troubled about the situation. Rather, he would prefer for more people to go home, to where they belonged. But at the same time, it would be a problem for him too because by then, he wouldn’t have enough manpower to support him with his quest. He knew that he simply needed to endure it for a bit longer. It was going to end soon. Very, very soon.

“There’s nothing we can do,” Koujaku murmured. “In fact, there’s nothing I _want_ to do.”

“You’re fine with Benishigure dissolving just like that?”

Smiling at his concern, Koujaku blew another smoke out of his mouth and responded.

“It’s gonna be over soon. We just need to endure it till then.”

“… what are you planning to do when it’s all over?”

Koujaku smiled again. He was smiling at his pathetic self that he _himself_ couldn’t even stand.

“I don’t really care what’s gonna happen to me. My priority is to make sure that all of you manage to go home safely.”

Mink was silent for a while before he finished his cigar and discarded it. Then, he spoke, the seriousness in his tone obviously heightened.

“As your right-hand man, I hold the responsibility to support and advise you. We need to prolong this group’s life, Captain. I know what you’re trying to do, but you can’t afford to be sidetracked. Keeping the group’s spirit up is part and parcel of being a leader, and it’s also an important step you have to take to make sure that you achieve your goal efficiently.”

Koujaku remained quiet. Mink wasn’t sure if he was even listening but after a few seconds of not receiving any response, he sighed and gave Koujaku a light push, snapping the Captain back to reality immediately.

“Huh? Sorry. You were saying?”

Mink merely stared at his confused leader. He was spacing out and his right-hand man had just wasted a few minutes of his time in vain.

“Are you okay, Captain?”

Koujaku was still a bit distracted. When he spoke, he was almost stuttering.

“… yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

Mink gave him a suspicious stare and pulled something out of his pocket.

“Captain.”

“Hmm?”

“Please use his,” he said, waving a small bottle in front of Koujaku.

“What is this?” Koujaku asked as he eyed the small bottle, trying to peek at the content inside.

“You are distracted way too often. Are you overworking yourself or are you having too many things to figure out?”

“No, I’m fine. I really am.”

He didn’t sound convincing at all. Giving out a deep sigh, Mink pushed the bottle into the Captain’s hand.

“Just use it. It’ll help.”

“Not until you tell me what it is," Koujaku refused, pushing the bottle back to Mink.

“It’s a herb remedy from my clan,” Mink explained. “It’ll help you release your… tension.”

Upon hearing that, a faint flush appeared on Koujaku’s face as he quickly averted the bigger man’s gaze and focused his attention back to the sea.

“It’s okay, I don’t need it.”

After a brief silence, he finished his cigar, gave Mink a small pat on the shoulder and walked towards the corner where alcohols were served.

 

 

So it was true.

Noiz was leaning against the wooden wall in a corner, but now he was forced to move away as he heard the swift footsteps getting closer. So he proceeded to the deck and soon found himself facing Mink, who was still leaning against the wooden railing. As he saw Noiz approaching, he shot him an inquisitive look before he turned around, arms crossed.

“How long have you known that I was listening?” Noiz asked unconcernedly, with a tone that usually earned him a few punches. But Mink didn’t seem to care.

“From the start.”

When Noiz didn’t respond, he continued.

“People are insecure. They’re afraid that our Captain is losing sight of his priorities.”

“He won’t.”

The blunt response got Mink quiet for a short while. Then, he spoke.

“They are not you. They won’t understand.”

“All he needs is a trigger. It’s not hard to figure him out.”

Mink took a few seconds to understand what he was trying to say before he nodded, agreeing with his statement.

“He also needs to understand that it’s fine to release the burden once a while.”

That was something Noiz hadn’t considered. He was pretty sure that he’d helped Koujaku release his anger on quite a frequent basis. Wasn’t that enough?

“But you’re right. He needs a trigger, and a slap in the face as well.”

Noiz had never heard Mink talk about their Captain in such a way before. Holding out his hand, he stared at Mink, who glanced at his hand coolly, then back at him, raising an eyebrow in question.

“What?”

“That bottle.”

Mink shot him a suspicious glare but the unwavering light in his eyes softened as he reached his hand into his pocket and pulled the bottle out again, carefully looking at Noiz before he put it into his hand.

Noiz scanned the bottle for a few seconds before he gave it a light shake and opened the lid, putting his nose closer to sniff on it.

“Hmm, Catuaba Bark.”

“You can tell by smelling it?”

Ignoring Mink, he continued sniffing on it.

“There’s something else in it.”

“Some remedies from my clan.”

“Is this safe to be used, both internally and externally?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

Now it was Noiz’s turn to eye Mink suspiciously. Both of them seemed to understand what the ‘internal’ usage of that ‘remedy’ actually insinuated. When Noiz realized that Mink didn’t have the intention to further explain anything, he closed the bottle and pocketed it.

“What do you plan to do with it?” Mink asked.

Noiz thought for a while before he turned around and looked at Mink again.

“Do you trust me? Or rather, do you trust me enough to place Koujaku in my hands?”

The way Noiz addressed Koujaku in such a casual manner seemed to create an impact on Mink as he looked away, considering the question. He did try getting through to Koujaku but to no avail. The kid was only here for four months. Was that enough time to entrust him with his Captain? He was about to confront Noiz with more questions but as he saw Noiz’s unwavering, determined stare, he could only nod lightly.

“If the Captain can trust you so much, I don’t see why I can’t.”

Noiz smiled.

“Good.”

 

 

Koujaku didn’t realize that Noiz was behind him until Noiz poked him on the back, causing him to jump out of reflex. Upon realizing that it was just Noiz, he smiled and attempted to ruffle his hair but Noiz dodged his hand before he could do so, frowning at him. He hated that forced smile of his, and the fact that Koujaku kept giving him that smile on a regular basis made Noiz feel as if he was being treated like a child.

“What have you been doing?” Koujaku asked as he turned his back towards Noiz and back to the table full of alcohol, proceeding to consider his options he had been struggling with before Noiz had interrupted him.

Standing next to him, Noiz shot Koujaku a quick glance before he shifted his gaze to the display in front of them. Koujaku was trying to choose a drink. Noiz knew that the pirate’s alcohol tolerance was good. He’d demonstrated it over the few times the sailor had seen him sharing quite a few drinks with some of his crew members.

Heading straight to the table, he stood in front of the pirate and blocked his view.

“Let me help you make the decision. That constant frown of yours is only gonna make you look older.

Koujaku snorted but gave Noiz a nod anyway. It was rare of Noiz to show this much enthusiasm towards something, and the Captain simply couldn’t say no to him.

Koujaku observed as Noiz scanned through his options. Minutes later, he finally turned around, handling Koujaku two cups of beer.

“Seriously, that’s the best you’ve got?” Koujaku mocked.

Beer was the most common alcohol on board. Koujaku thought the brat would’ve chosen something more bizarre judging on how unpredictable his personality could be.

“Shut up. I chose what I wanted. You gave me permission.”

“Yeah, okay brat. I get it,” Koujaku grinned. Somehow, he found it really endearing to see Noiz pouting and acting up like that. It made him feel as if he was looking at a real brat. As that thought crossed his mind, he realized that he never knew Noiz’s actual age.

“Say, how old are you?” he asked.

Noiz looked up from his drink, a small scowl visible on his face. Age was obviously not a topic he particularly liked to explore.

“How old do you think I am?”

“I trust Ren’s instinct. Probably… twenty? Twenty-one?”

Noiz chuckled and shook his head.

“Don’t tell me you’re twenty-five? Because if that’s the case, you really need to grow up.”

Again, Noiz shook his head.

“Hmm…” Koujaku stared at Noiz analytically as he attempted to make a wild guess.

“I give up. Spill it out, brat.”

“I’m nineteen.”

Koujaku almost choked on his beer.

“Are you serious?”

“Why would I want to lie about something like this?” Noiz scowled once again.

“No, I mean, you look older than nineteen…”

As Noiz’s scowl deepened even further, Koujaku knew that he’d stepped on a minefield.

“That explains why you’re so bratty,” he added, which was definitely not helping his case at all.

“Shut up. I’m not bratty,” he retorted, practically pouting.

Koujaku smiled again. The way Noiz said that this time truly reflected his real age and somehow, it made Koujaku happy. Nothing was better than seeing a genuine, stress-free nineteen-year-old who didn’t feel the need to conceal who he really was in order to adapt to his environment.

Just as he was finishing his beer, Noiz nudged him for attention again.

“What?”

“A toast.” The sailor raised his cup, urging the pirate to do the same.

“What’s the toast for?”

Noiz took a while to answer. He merely looked at Koujaku, and the latter was about to open his mouth when he finally responded.

“For taking me in.”

Koujaku was stunned, but he quickly recovered as he brought his beer cup closer to Noiz’s and gave it a light knock.

“Cheers.”

Noiz watched as Koujaku gulped a mouthful of his beer, and he continued watching as deep flush gradually crept up Koujaku’s cheeks.

 

\--

 

Koujaku knew that he was a good drinker. His pirate lifestyle had trained him into becoming one. That was why he was confused when he felt his vision blurring and his balance becoming unstable. Putting down his beer cup, he intended to return to the cabin when he almost toppled and fell down. Luckily, Noiz grabbed onto him before he did.

This was weird. He’d only drunk two cups of beer. How was it even possible for him to get drunk so easily?

“It’s okay, Noiz. I can walk.”

“Says the one who almost fell and broke his leg,” Noiz deadpanned, his hands still gripping firmly on Koujaku’s arm.

“I’m...” A hiccup. “… really fine.”

His breathing was getting heavier and his head was starting to throb. Frowning at the thought of how pathetic he must look at this moment, Koujaku desperately grabbed onto the wooden handrail and allowed himself to balance out his breathing before he looked up to see Noiz still fixing his gaze on him. He couldn’t see his features properly, part of the reason being the moonlight behind obscuring them, and another being his unfocused vision.

“As a Captain, I expected you to be a better drinker,” Noiz teased. “I’m not even drunk yet and look at you, not being able to even stand properly.”

The mocking sent another ripple of embarrassment down his cheeks as Koujaku felt his body heat increase, unsure if it was due to the effect of the alcohol or if it was because of the brat’s taunts. Pushing Noiz away, he walked cautiously along the corridor, hands still gripping the handrail for support.

Noiz continued walking beside him, his eyes still fixed on him as if afraid that he would pass out anytime. When Koujaku missed a step and almost fell face front to the floor, he reached out and grabbed him again.

“I think that’s enough for the Captain tonight,” he muttered.

“I… need to…”

“No. You should look at yourself now. If we were to be attacked right now, you’d be killed in a blink of an eye.”

Koujaku wanted to retort but found his voice trapped in his throat. So finally, he allowed Noiz to drag him down the corridor and back to the deck. The brat was right. Something was definitely wrong with him. This was a dangerous situation and he was almost thankful that Noiz was the only person to witness him in such a state now.

“I’m bringing you back to your cabin,” Noiz insisted, and Koujaku could do nothing but nod.

However, when they were halfway through the corridor, Noiz suddenly realized that he never knew where the Captain’s cabin was. Guessing blindly, he turned a corner and almost knocked into Mink, who shot them a quick glance and, instantly realizing what was going on, pointed towards the stairs on the left.

“Two flights up. End of the corridor.”

Noiz nodded but before he could move, Mink grabbed his shoulder.

“Be careful. You don’t know how violent he can be.”

Smirking, Noiz swept his hand off and responded nonchalantly.

“And you don’t know how violent _I_ can be either.”

The reply made Mink silent, and he only kept staring at them as they disappeared up the stairs.

 

 

Noiz kicked the door open to reveal a cabin which was almost the same size as his. The only difference was the way the furniture was being located and the wall which was filled with pictures. The pictures piqued Noiz’s interest first, and he ended up walking towards the wall after he’d thrown Koujaku unceremoniously on the bed, his eyes strained through the darkness. The pictures were portraits of people with their names carved nicely on the frame, years and months scribbled right beside them. Noiz tried to count the number of frames hung on the wall but gave up at number eighty-seven, although he was positive that the count would easily reach up to one hundred ) if he continued counting. His attention was diverted to another portrait on the table when he reached the end of the ones on the wall. He took the framed picture from the bedside table, walking towards the window to borrow some light from the outside. It was a picture of Koujaku with a cheerful-looking, blue-haired man. The Koujaku in the picture was very much different from the one Noiz knew. He was wearing a gleeful smile, a smile that the sailor had never seen on the pirate’s face before.

This must be the man he’d mentioned. The friend he’d lost.

Koujaku’s grunt brought Noiz back to reality, so he walked to where he’d left Koujaku and stared as the pirate rolled over and sat up on the bed, his hands clutching his head. The pirate was still conscious, and he probably knew what was happening around him. The only thing he was lacking now was the control over his own body.

Breathing heavily and drenching in sweat, Koujaku blinked a few times and was about to strip when Noiz’s shadow invaded his line of vision. He froze, quickly putting his clothing back down before sending a glare towards him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Is that how you show your appreciation towards a person who carried you back?” Noiz deadpanned.

Cursing silently, Koujaku growled.

“Your business is done here. Leave.”

Under normal circumstances, Koujaku would simply ignore the brat and let him do whatever he wanted. But it was different now. He was in a very bad state and he needed the brat to go away. Immediately.

“Leave, Noiz. Just… leave,” he repeated, sounding almost desperate.

“I refuse, Captain,” Noiz murmured as he advanced closer to Koujaku, who instantly increased the gap between them as he dragged himself backwards. “I need to take care of you. You’re not in the right state to be left alone now.”

Koujaku was aware of that. He wasn’t afraid of unintentionally hurting Noiz either. He was afraid of something else – something he didn’t want Noiz to know.

But Noiz was persistent and Koujaku knew how stubborn he could be. But this was not the time for him to endure his persistence. He desperately needed Noiz to leave him alone. He didn’t even care if he would fall sick or die. He just needed to be left alone.

“What are you afraid of, Captain?” Noiz was not showing any signs of retreating as he continued advancing towards Koujaku. He’d asked him the same question not long ago and now Koujaku was falling back into the same situation again. Chills spread throughout his body upon realizing what he was about to face.

He froze when his back hit the bed wall, and he could only watch as Noiz advanced closer, both of the sailor’s hands stretched out and pressed against the bed head behind him, trapping him in between. His build was larger than Noiz’s and he definitely had an upper hand in terms of strength. He shouldn’t be afraid of Noiz’s intimidations but now, as he felt his body betraying his will, he could do nothing but shudder. All these uncanny reactions made him feel as if he was about to lose control of his body, not to mention that his rational thoughts were slowly melting away with every passing minute, his mind hanging between the line of passing out and hanging on to strange, unexplainable sort of consciousness.

It was dangerous. The whole situation now was dangerous. He needed to do something.

Using the very limited strength left in his body, Koujaku placed both of his hands on Noiz’s shoulders and attempted to push him away but failing badly. He’d never felt so helpless in his entire life and the fact that Noiz was the reason he felt this way made him feel even worse. _The brat was always ruining his life_. 

The trembles Noiz felt on his shoulder convinced him that Koujaku was far from being in his usual state of mind now. He was hesitant and probably fearful at the same time. Noiz was on the verge of stopping his advances when the strong, piercing stare the pirate was shooting him took his hesitation away.

“Noiz, leave me alone.” Koujaku’s voice was hoarse and it seemed like he was using a lot of effort just to get those few words out. But Noiz wasn’t ready to comply. He’d risked so much to reach here; he’d assured Mink that he could do the job. He wasn’t ready to give up yet and he knew that Koujaku needed this. Somehow, he had a gut feeling that the pirate wasn’t afraid of what he was going to do to him, but that he was afraid of something else instead, and that piqued Noiz’s interest greatly.

Placing one of his hands on Koujaku’s face, Noiz leaned forward, murmuring.

“Relax, Captain. I’m not going to do anything that would harm you.”

His voice was soft and assuring, but it did nothing to ease Koujaku’s insecurity, at least judging by the way the pirate proceeded to stare at him warily, muscles still tense under Noiz’s touch.

“Trust me,” Noiz continued, his hand now slowly moving from Koujaku’s face to his bangs, then to the eye patch on his right eye. “It’s perfectly fine to put down all those burdens now. You don’t own anyone anything, at least not at this moment.” His hands were now on his eye patch as he slipped his thumb underneath the leather, slowly lifting the corner of it up. ““The only person you need to answer to is yourself. So, it’s fine to release all of that tension once in a while. Otherwise you would explode.”

Noiz was about to take his eye patch off when Koujaku suddenly grabbed his hand. His grip was still weak but Noiz was surprised with his action. He was obviously very desperate to stop Noiz if he was still able to put this much of a resistance, despite the current weak state he was in.

“Thanks for your concern,” Koujaku muttered, his voice still small, “but I’ll be fine by myself.”

Ah, no wonder he was the Captain.

 Persistence. Stubbornness. Egoism. Those were all very attractive traits of a leader and Noiz thought that it suited Koujaku perfectly.

Giving out a small smirk, Noiz retorted.

“How exactly you are ‘fine’,” Noiz started as he grabbed the Captain’s hand with his free on, placing it firmly above his head. “… when you can’t even fight a brat like me?”

That statement seemed to shut Koujaku up. He could do nothing but watch as Noiz locked his bangs behind his ear and pulled his eye patch off carefully, throwing it aside and then looking at the part of Koujaku’s face he’d just exposed.

He was expecting a blind eye or a damaged skin. What he didn’t expect was to see another, completely undamaged ruby-colored eye and the weirdly shaped tattoo right underneath it. He didn’t understand why Koujaku would want to hide this gorgeous feature away. Was it because the tattoo was an indication of the pirate family? Was Koujaku too ashamed to admit that he was one of them?

He was transfixed with the weird pattern until he realized that Koujaku was averting his gaze. Was this what the pirate was so desperately trying to hide from him? Without warning, Noiz lifted Koujaku’s chin and leaned forward to plant a kiss on his eye, then on his tattoo, immediately causing Koujaku’s breath to hitch out of reflex.

“Why are you hiding this?” Noiz whispered. “It looks perfect on you.”

“You don’t understand!” Koujaku suddenly yelled out. “You don’t know what happened!”

“I don’t care and I don’t need to know. All I know is that this is part of your skin, is a part of _you_. I like it, and I like _you_.”

He didn’t even care if he had just unintentionally blurted out a confession. He just proceeded to impatiently strip Koujaku off all his clothing without waiting for the stunned pirate to respond.

There was nothing he could hate about this man - not his body, not his history, not his personality. Towering over him, Noiz took in the view in front of him as he scanned the pirate from head to toe, cautiously taking in every single bit of detail on his skin. Half of his body was covered in tattoos, and most of it was almost covered in scars. He should’ve expected this from a well-known pirate group leader like Koujaku, but what caught him off guard was Koujaku’s reluctance to show him all of these. It was as if this part of him was a humiliation, a mistake, or even a curse that could never be lifted.

He didn’t know what Koujaku was trying to hide from him but he wasn’t interested anyway. What happened in the past remained in the past. He wasn’t particularly proud of his own past, but at the same time, he wasn’t really ashamed of it. So he didn’t see a reason why Koujaku should be so concerned about it either.

The ink on his skin was obviously not something Koujaku was proud of, and the fact that he was exposing this very flaw right in front of Noiz’s eyes made him feel even worse. But before he could fall deeper into his own inner turmoil, Noiz bent down and slowly trailed his fingers along the pattern on his skin. He’d already felt weird and insecure from earlier, so as soon as Noiz’s fingers touched his skin, he jolted, realizing with embarrassment that his body had become more sensitive than usual. Noiz was merely tracing his skin lightly with his fingertips, but the heat in his body increased uncontrollably and his attempt to conceal his moans failed miserably. He couldn’t help but cry out loud when Noiz’s fingers brushed past his nipples. The embarrassment he felt earlier was immediately forgotten, rapidly replaced with a strong sense of need that now clouded his mind and threatened to overtake him completely.

Noiz obviously noticed the change in his reaction. Smirking knowingly, he poked his tongue out and gave his nipple one experimental flick, his grin immediately widening upon hearing a ragged intake of breath and a satisfied moan falling from the older man’s lips. He gave his chest a few more playful licks, before he leaned forward and whispered hotly into Koujaku’s ear.

“You’re so beautiful, Captain.” Licking the beads of sweat under his chin, Noiz continued. “I don’t care what happened in the past. I don’t care how you got these. They are a part of you and they look stunning.”

Koujaku was starting to lose his composure and Noiz knew that he was the cause of it. It meant that the remedy was properly doing its job as well.

“Everything about you is perfect,” he whispered and proceeded to trail his tongue along the pirate’s neck.

“Y-you’re… wrong.” Koujaku denied weakly, still attempting to uphold the very little dignity left in him. 

“I’m not.” Noiz’s confident voice was a huge contrast to his own, and the surprising amount of dominance he now felt radiating in waves from the brat was starting to overwhelm him.

“You’re perfect. You’re a good leader. Your composure is perfect, even this vulnerable side of yours,” Noiz paused and lifted his head as he flashed another playful smirk at Koujaku, “... is perfect.”  

All this while, Koujaku had been trying hard to conceal his emotions, to stop himself from being distracted. But at this particular moment, he knew that he’d failed badly. He was starting to develop feelings – to the brat.

“Tonight, Koujaku, I want you to forget about everything. I’ll make you forget that you’re a Captain; I’ll make you forget about everything else. The only thing you need to remember is that you’re just another man and you have all the right in the world to enjoy pleasure and happiness.”

Koujaku couldn’t believe that he was hearing those words from Noiz. By now he had accepted the fact that he was being subjugated and that he had no way to escape anymore. The superiority Noiz had just displayed made him finally give up and surrender to his fate.

He glared furiously at Noiz, the gesture being his final resort to keep what little of his pride he had left.

“You don’t understand. You’re just a brat. You’ve yet to see how cruel reality can be.”

That was what broke Noiz’s limit. Clicking his tongue, he gripped Koujaku’s chin and forced him to look him in the eyes as he growled with a tone so cold and harsh, it was almost unlike his own.

“If that’s the case, I guess I have no choice but to _make_ you believe it.” And he proceeded to tie the pirate’s wrists together with the belth that he’d just pulled off of him. “I’ll make sure you remember the pleasure I’m giving you tonight. You’ll carry it in your memory, for the rest of your life.”

Koujaku was a man with little to no fear. But as Noiz transitioned from his usual calm self to an unpredictable, hostile brat, he suddenly felt chills running down his spine.

After making sure that the restraints were tight enough, Noiz left him alone for a brief minute, only to come back with something in his hand which Koujaku immediately recognized as his own dagger. He almost stopped breathing when Noiz carefully pressed the tip of the blade against his chest. His breath hitched upon feeling the cold metal sinking into his flesh and suddenly, he felt a slight twinge of pain mixing with a hint of pleasure which was not spreading uncontrollably through his body. As Noiz trailed the blade along the inked pattern on his torso, he let out a reflexive moan, his heart beating loudly in his ears and the heat pooling in his lower stomach.

Noiz took his own sweet time tracing the tattoo pattern on his chest. When the blade finally left Koujaku’s flesh, he looked down to see tiny beads of red liquid glistening under the weak moonlight. Giving out a satisfied smirk, he allowed Koujaku a brief moment to catch his breath before he leaned down and trailed his tongue over the light wound he’d just created no the pirate’s body, tasting the familiar taste of metal on the tip of his tongue. He could see the way Koujaku’s skin was getting more flushed and hotter with every new lick pressed against his skin, although he was unsure if this was a result of the remedy or if the older man was finally submitting to his desire.

When he finally finished licking every inch of his tattoo, the sailor straightened up and, catching Koujaku’s gaze, shot him a satisfied grin.

“You should see how you look like now, Captain. You’re responding properly, like a real man.”

“Urgh, shut up brat,” Koujaku grunted. He might have submitted, but he didn’t need Noiz to emphasize on that.

But Noiz wasn’t ready to comply. Leaning down again, he gave a rough suck on the part of Koujaku’s skin where the wound was slightly deeper and looked up at the Captain again, his mouth curving into a small smile.

“Have you ever wondered how your own blood tastes like?” Noiz asked, wiping the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I was wrong.” Noiz’s voice was so small but dangerous at the same time, successfully instilling fear in the pirate. His body shook impulsively when the sailor reached out and gripped his chin. “It tastes sweet. You should try.”

And he thrust his blood-stained tongue into Koujaku’s mouth, intertwining their tongues together and exploring his mouth with his tongue as far as he could reach, making sure that Koujaku could feel every drop of his own blood. He bit the older man’s bottom lip, drawing more blood and licking it away before withdrawing his tongue.

Koujaku could no longer ignore the need in him. He was too exhausted and too powerless to resist any further.

Noiz could tell that the pirate’s reluctance was slowly fading away and that he was almost as hungry as him now. But Noiz ) was planning to take this slowly. The whole point of him leading Koujaku into this situation was for the older man to understand how important it was to release himself from his own constraints, not for Koujaku to act on pure raw passion.

The pent up frustration and tension were clouding his justification, both in terms of decision-making and physical needs. Noiz felt like the pirate would break if he didn’t do anything about it soon. And as his trigger, Noiz felt that he could at least help him out that much.

As Noiz proceeded to move downwards, Koujaku dug his nails into the leather bounding his wrists in anticipation. He had a faint idea what was going to happen but he no longer had the intention to stop it. For the first time in god knows how long, his mind was free off pressure and he actually felt… good. It has been a while since he felt so free; he couldn’t bring himself to think about anything else but how unbelievably _good_ every Noiz’s touch against his skin made him feel. It produced a kind of relief that he never knew he needed until now.

When Noiz started pumping his throbbing cock, he cried out loud, unable to sustain the overwhelming pleasure running through every nerve of his body. Every new stroke made his eyes flicker with pleasure; every tease of his fingertips on his slit pushing him closer to the edge.

“Say, Captain,” Noiz spoke after what felt like forever. Koujaku had been focusing on his touch all this while and his sudden husky and heated voice made him gulp in response. “How long has it been since you’ve last been touched?”

As if Noiz’s voice wasn’t enough to produce the uncontainable trembling in his body, Koujaku felt his heart skip a beat upon hearing the question.

“You’re reacting so much it’s almost making me feel bad to keep teasing you for too long,” Noiz continued, his smirk never leaving his face as his strokes increased in speed, causing Koujaku to bite his lip to stop himself from crying out loud.

Before he had the time to calm himself down, the pirate felt a wet and warm sensation around the head of his cock and he arched his back, sinking his nails deeper into the leather binding his hands. The pleasure almost sent him over the edge when a series of sudden, rapid knocks came from the door. He froze. Eyes darting from Noiz to the door and back again, he shook his head, signaling him to stop. But Noiz merely looked up at him with an obvious hint of teasing in his eyes.

“Noiz!” Koujaku hissed.

Instead of complying, Noiz took Koujaku’s erection deeper in his mouth, the tip almost touching his throat and causing Koujaku to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from shouting.

“Captain, are you inside?”

Clear was outside the door. Koujaku’s eyes widened when he heard another voice.

“Maybe he’s not in.”

It was Sei. Desperately trying to get Noiz off him, Koujaku struggled violently but froze as Noiz scratched his sensitive shaft with his teeth, causing him to let out another unintentional, loud moan.

“He’s inside! Captain, is everything okay?”

Clear was knocking rapidly at the door again, threatening to crash in if Koujaku didn’t respond. Cursing silently, Koujaku shot Noiz a glare, but he was completely ignored as the sailor continued sucking on his cock, dangerously pushing him to the verge of exploding.

“I-I’m okay!” the pirate shouted desperately. He knew how unconvincing he sounded but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. He just needed them to leave.

“Really? You suddenly disappeared from the party. We thought you were kidnapped.”

If Clear was intending to crack a joke, it was definitely not funny, especially not in the circumstance he found himself in now.

“I-I’m fine!” Koujaku practically cried out, biting back another moan when Noiz gave his dick another hard suck. “I’m feeling a bit tired, so—ahh!”

“Captain?!”

Noiz chose that exact moment to grab on his balls, an unexpected move that caused Koujaku to lose control of his voice again as he buried his head into the pillow to conceal it.

When Koujaku took too long to respond, Clear was about to crash the door down but then, another voice could be heard.

“Let the Captain rest, you two.”

Mink saved the day. Koujaku gave out a sigh of relief, feeling part of his tension leave his body as Noiz looked up at him and grinned. Mink obviously knew exactly what was happening inside. The sailor’s grin widened when he saw Koujaku’s relieved expression as they listened to his right-hand man hush both Clear and Sei away. Then, Noiz removed his mouth from Koujaku’s cock with a loud pop.

“Mink should’ve let them in so that they can see how lewd their Captain is right now.”

“… you little shit.” Unable to stop his heart from pounding furiously in his chest, Koujaku could barely grit those three words out before Noiz went back to work, this time at a faster and rougher pace.

It didn’t take too long for Koujaku to let out another moan, and then he finally reached his peak, releasing deep in Noiz’s mouth. He tried to say something, but the overwhelming pleasure overtook him before he could form a single word and he slumped back on the bed, sweating and breathing heavily as he came down from his high.

Gulping down the last bit of his cum, Noiz straightened up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“You came a lot. I guess it has been a while?” Ignoring the flustered look on Koujaku’s face, he continued, eyes darting back to his erection. “And you’re still hard. Amazing.”

Koujaku followed Noiz’s gaze upon hearing his comment and instantly felt the blood rushing to his face. He’d just come but his cock was not showing any signs of softening as it sprung back to life the moment Noiz teasingly touched it again.

Without giving Koujaku any time to rest, Noiz grabbed his hips and turned him around, making him stand on all fours as he fixed his eyes on his back. Whistling wolfishly at the lotus print he saw on the pirate’s back, Noiz proceeded to trace every one of the petals before reaching into his pocket and retrieving a small bottle of liquid.

“Hey, that’s…” Koujaku was looking over his shoulder at Noiz when his eyes widened upon seeing the bottle.

“The print on your back suits you,” Noiz interrupted as he started coating his fingers with the liquid. It burned slightly on his skin, making him wonder exactly how effective the remedy was.

When Noiz pressed his forefinger against his hole, Koujaku gulped and gripped the mattress as Noiz continued pushing his finger inside him slowly. Due to warmth of Koujaku’s inner flesh, the coating on Noiz’s finger melted almost instantly even before he could move it. He took his time preparing Koujaku thoroughly while the latter sank his teeth into the bed sheet, forcing back the urge to make another sound. He knew where this was heading to and he hadn’t made up his mind about whether he wanted to continue or stop right there. Trying to ignore his contradicting thoughts, he closed his eyes and concentrated on the foreign sensation instead.

“You’re really turned on,” Noiz commented, raising three fingers up for Koujaku to see. “I’ve barely even started and you’re ready to take in three of my fingers.” And then he pushed all of them in, curling and stretching with extra cautiousness to avoid hurting him.

It could be the effect of the herbs, or it could simply be the desperate need to release his pent up frustration. But no matter what it was, Noiz had no interest to contemplate any further. He had his own needs to take care of and all he knew now was that the Captain was ready. So he added another few layers of coating to his fingers, stripped himself of his clothes and stroked his cock. A few moments later and he proceeded to lick the excess liquid off his palm, giving Koujaku a small peck on the back before he positioned himself against his hole and slowly, cautiously, pushed into him.

The thrusts started off slow, but every hit earned a moan from Koujaku which he no longer had the strength to suppress. Feeling his own lust heightening with every single thrust, it was not long before Noiz felt himself nearing the edge, and Koujaku’s sudden trembling told him that the pirate must be close himself.

“Noi—ahh!”

Just when he wanted to tell Noiz that he was about to come, Noiz suddenly gripped the base of his shaft and his remaining words turned into loud moans as he felt his orgasm being held back. He didn’t even need to look at the brat now to know that he was giving him that smirk again. The denial of his orgasm was starting to suffocate him as he felt the continuous and aggressive pressure of Noiz’s cock hitting the sensitive spot inside him. He was almost on the verge of passing out from all the pleasure when Noiz suddenly stopped, and he felt warm liquid gushing into him, causing him to feel light-headed. As Noiz finally released his grip on his shaft, he was instantly overcome by a huge wave of pleasure, feeling his own orgasm hitting him and almost taking his consciousness away.

Both completely spent, they slumped on the bed, the room now filled with their ragged breathing. When they came down from their high, Noiz pulled himself out of Koujaku and he turned over, glaring furiously at Noiz.

“Release me,” he growled, voice now completely hoarse from all the screaming.

Noiz hesitated. He wasn’t sure if it was safe to release Koujaku from his constraints, and the reluctance on his face made Koujaku groan.

“I won’t escape,” he reassured him.

Defeated, Noiz reached out and pulled the belt off the pirate’s wrists. Koujaku, however, didn’t wait for him to finish untying him before he shook the belt off harshly and grabbed the back of Noiz’s neck, pulling him towards him. He immediately thrust his tongue violently into Noiz’s mouth, grabbing the younger man’s hips and motioning him to sit on his lap.

The effect of the remedy was starting to wear off, and what Koujaku was demonstrating now was merely pure desire for the sailor. He wanted to touch Noiz, to feel him, and on top of all, he just _wanted_ him. When they broke off from their kiss, Noiz slumped against Koujaku’s chest, his hot breath tickling the crook of the older man’s neck.

“You’re so aggressive all of a sudden,” he muttered.

“I need to preserve my pride as a Captain, brat,” Koujaku responded as he placed a hand on Noiz’s head and caressed his now flustered face with the other.

It didn’t matter if what they did was just moment of passion and lust that took over them. All Koujaku knew was that Noiz had witnessed the flaws he’d wanted to conceal and that he had accepted all of them. He accepted Koujaku, not as a leader, but as who he really was.

As they lay in the bed, Koujaku wrapped his arm around Noiz’s waist, feeling the heat slowly fading away but rapidly being replaced by the extra warmth of Noiz’s body on his arm.

“Thank you,” he muttered. 

“For what?” 

“For believing in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself.”

Noiz fell silent for a while before he eased closer to Koujaku and closed his eyes. 

“It was nothing. Use me whenever you need reassurance. At least now I know that I’m worthy as a tool for you.” 

Koujaku gaped at the statement , but Noiz continued before he could say anything. 

“I’m always a tool. People use me for their own benefits. Other than that, I’m nothing to the world. Well, at least I’m worth your attention now.” 

Trying to stop Noiz from saying more, Koujaku lifted the brat’s chin up and gave him a glare. The boy was clearly insecure, he was full of doubts, and it was kind of ironic that _he_ was the one that needed to be reassured now, considering all that speech he had given to Koujaku about self-worth only minutes ago. But Koujaku was more than ready to give it to him regardless.

“Don’t ever say that again. Of course you’re worth it. You’re worth every single bit of my attention. Don’t ever say that you’re nothing to the world. At least to me, you are my world,” Koujaku finished, his tone firm and determined as he gave his forehead a light peck.

Noiz had never felt such intense yet kind warmth before, and he’d never felt such a fierce urge to be with someone. Overwhelmed with this feeling, he closed his eyes and gripped onto Koujaku as hard as he could.

 

He didn’t know what would happen to him without Koujaku.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter may be the last or may be the second last. I'll let my ending write itself :)


	5. Treachery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small hints are indicators of where one will end up. If one looks close enough, they may be able to predict the ending.
> 
> As things start to break down, what would their decisions be? Where would they choose to belong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my slow writing. Next chapter would be the last and I've finally decided on the final scene. Enjoy~

The surrounding was still dark when Koujaku jolted awake from another nightmare. The warmth he felt from a few hours back was replaced by chills, causing him to shiver involuntarily upon feeling the cold air hit his skin. He was about to pull the blanket up when he felt something pressing against his arm. Blinking twice to adjust his eyes to the darkness, he turned to see Noiz sleeping soundly beside him, his breathing rhythmic and peaceful. As Koujaku stared, transfixed, Noiz gave out a small sneeze and shivered slightly as he wrapped his hand around Koujaku’s torso, clinging onto him in his sleep. Finding this endearing, Koujaku caressed the younger man’s face gently just to find his skin freezing cold. He moved cautiously so that he wouldn’t wake Noiz up and struggled to pull the blanket up and wrapped most of the portion around Noiz as he pulled him closer so that he could share his warmth. They were still naked – the lacked of clothing being the main contributor to their chills – and Koujaku couldn’t remember exactly when he’d fell asleep. As he stared at the ceiling, the happenings that night replayed in his mind as he felt heat rising to his face. He could barely see the brat’s face – his features faintly visible under the weak moonlight pouring through the window – but he could still make out how peaceful and calm the brat looked at this very moment. He couldn’t help but reached out to play with the tips of the blonde’s hair as he listened to the soft lapping of sea waves outside his window.

He was still a bit mad at the way Noiz had tricked him into submitting to something he’d feared to face. But somehow, he was glad that it happened. Not only that he felt less tensed now, he also felt more contented that he’d finally found a motive in his life.

His cigar and his own solitude were what used to keep him company in the past. But now, he had the brat.

\--

 

“Oi, wake up.”

Instead of the usual morning sunlight or the knock on his door that woke him up, Noiz wrinkled his nose at the smell of cigar smoke and frowned at the rough prods on his face as he opened his eyes to an unfamiliar surroundings. Coughing lightly, he looked up to see Koujaku staring down at him, still naked but looked a lot more refreshed and vigilant than how he was for the past few weeks.

He shifted a little to realize that he had been sleeping on the pirate’s arm for the entire time. As he sat up and gave out a loud yawn, Koujaku lifted his arm but gave up immediately upon realizing that it was still numb and hopeless. He was about to struggle out of bed when Noiz advanced towards him and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

“Good morning, Captain.”

Distracted by the sudden increase of heartbeat beneath his chest, he watched as Noiz scrambled out of bed and got dressed, acting as if nothing had just happened. Forcefully swallowing down the lump in his throat, he got out of bed, trying very hard to ignore the faint heat now pooling on his cheeks as he retrieved his clothing and dressed himself up, still feeling surreal over the huge shift in his life.

 

 

They were greeted by two crew members the moment they stepped out of the cabin. The two pirates greeted their Captain with their usual salute but they were stunned the moment they saw Noiz appearing behind him, momentarily distracted before they continued with their daily report. Even though they were obviously trying to hide it, Noiz still noticed the suspicious stares they’d shot them when they left, causing him to feel a tinge of guilt that he may had just made the situation worse.

 

 

Koujaku and Noiz headed to the deck after they had a simple breakfast in one of the unused cabins. The sun was high and the sea breeze that swept over them instilled a kind of tranquility that they had been yearning for days. The only sound filling the silence between them was the sound of sea water lapping on the hull of the pirate ship as they indulged momentarily in the calming atmosphere before Koujaku gave out a loud stretch.

“Ouch, my body hurts,” he complained, stopping his stretch halfway and massaging his waist.

The small chuckle from Noiz earned the sailor a glare before the pirate continued loudly.

“And I wonder whose fault is it?”

“It’s not my fault that you’re old,” Noiz deadpanned.

Grunting, Koujaku was about to stretch again when he felt a pair of hands on his shoulder.

“Hey—“

“I used to do this when I was young,” Noiz said as he input more strength into his massage. “Don’t worry, I won’t break your bones.”

Snikering, Koujaku eased into the massage and teased.

“You’re still young, brat.”

He couldn’t see the brat’s expression, but the snort beside his ear told him that the brat was smirking again.

He’d never felt so relaxed for a very long time. Although he wished that he could continue indulging himself in such tranquility, he knew that it wasn’t possible considering the plan he was about to execute; and he continued gazing distantly at the ocean, his mind elsewhere.

* * *

 

It wasn’t hard to notice the heightened tension and insecurity of the crew members towards their Captain over the next few days. Noiz stopped his track when he heard whispers around the corner one day. He was starting to get annoyed with the rumors flying around and as he was preparing to leave, he halted when he heard Koujaku’s name.

“I don’t know, man. I want to stay here forever but,” his voice dropped to a whisper. “I don’t think I can trust our Captain any longer.”

The guy he was talking to didn’t respond until a few seconds later, which Noiz suspected he was checking around to make sure that they were out of earshot.

“I know, I know. I feel the same way too. He used to be very rationale but nowadays I keep feeling that he’s working things base on pure impulse.”

“Exactly, especially since that sailor came on board. I’m not sure if he even knows what he’s doing anymore.”

On normal days, Noiz wouldn’t bother with things he overheard but today wasn’t part of his ‘normal days’. He knew that his tolerance level was exceptionally high; thus, he had absolutely no idea what made him step out of his hiding place and stroll straight towards the two pirates as he shot them a sharp glare.

“Make sure you find a more secluded place next time if you want to badmouth on people,” he said, without any emotions in his tone. “In case you’ve forgotten this because you’re a piece of selfish meat, your Captain is a human being made of flesh and blood _and_ feelings. He’s not a machine and he doesn’t owe you _anything_.”

“What do you know about us?! You’re only here for a few months and you’re saying that you know _everything_ about our Captain? You’re only a parasite! You’re the selfish one!”

Noiz smirked perilously. These guys were dumb and he was even starting to feel stupid for trying to talk sense into them. He was greatly annoyed with the fact that these inconsiderate people were taking Koujaku for granted, mainly because he’d seen how much uncertainties and anguishes Koujaku had to go through to cater to everyone’s needs and trying to keep himself sane at the same time.

It wasn’t easy being a Captain. Noiz used to think that the ‘Captain’ position was a glamorous title and the only thing he needed to do was to shout out commands and enjoy life behind the scene. But Koujaku defeated all his expectations. He had so much to shoulder and those responsibilities were at the verge of snatching his sanity away from him. He had never complained about anything and all he ever wanted was for everyone to be safe and contented.

He didn’t deserve any of these disrespectful words. He didn’t owe them or _anyone_ anything.

Noiz was starting to feel a hint of ire within him. He was supposed to rage at these insensible pirates but instead, the hilarity of the whole situation overrode his rage.

“Of course I know about your Captain,” the words rolled out of his tongue before he could stop himself. “He’s a beautiful man. The way he expressed himself during se—“

“Woah, woah, I think they get your point, brat.”

A hand was clasped against his mouth before he could finish speaking, forcing him to swallow back his remaining words. Shooting a sideway glance at the intruder, he saw Koujaku beaming at the two astounded guys, his hand trembled faintly against his mouth.

“And point taken. Thank you.”

Not knowing what to do, the two pirates uttered their salute and scrambled out of sight.

When they were left alone, Koujaku shifted his glare to Noiz, who had struggled out of his clutch and was now leaning against the wooden wall, arms crossed. The pirate walked towards him and flicked his forehead with his forefinger.

“Thanks for standing up for me, but some things are better left unsaid.”

“I don’t see why we should be hiding things like that.”

Koujaku sighed.

“That’s why you’re still a brat.”

Noiz stared at Koujaku’s back as he walked away. Exactly how many times did he have to hear things like that? And exactly how many times he had to endure this naivety?

At that moment of time, all that was on Noiz’s mind were questions that would never be answered.

* * *

 

Noiz continued staying on the ship for another month. The list of ships to be invaded became thinner across time and he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if they’d finished invading all the ships on the list. Would the team be dissolved? Where would Koujaku go, then? Would he finally go home? Would he go home with his friend? Or would he go home empty-handed? There were a lot of questions he wanted to ask but never seemed to be able to find the right time to ask the pirate.

His life had changed the moment he’d met Koujaku and he was surprised to find himself rejecting the idea of a life without Koujaku in it. The Captain had initially occurred to him as a remarkable person who’d denied all of his expectations. He’d approached the pirate based on pure curiosity.

But now, things were different.

Koujaku changed him. He changed both his life and his mindset. He didn’t know if he had a future; or rather, he didn’t know if _they_ had a future.

Whatever that was on Noiz’s mind was part of Koujaku’s concern as well. The pirate’s worries intensified as he crossed out more ships on the map. He would probably never found his friend. Perhaps everything was already too late and eventually, his burden would become his long-lasting regret which he may never put down for the rest of his life.

“Six left.”

The small, husky voice brought him back from the depth of his thoughts as he turned to see Noiz squinting his eyes to read the map under the very weak candlelight.

“Are you gonna invade all of them?” Noiz asked, moving his gaze from the map to the pirate.

“Nah,” Koujaku answered as he tightened his grip on his quill and scribbled a few words beside a red spot on the map. “I want to minimize damages and the use of resources as much as I can so I would need to be very particular with my next target.”

Casually crossing out another ship – _five left_ – Koujaku examined the map and traced the dotted line which linked their ship with the other ships with the tip of his quill. He stopped at one of the ships for a whole minute before he shook his head and crossed it out.

 _Four left_.

They’d never talked about what would happen when everything came to an end. It was not that they didn’t want to talk about it; they just never felt the need to talk about it. They’d never expected this day to come so soon.

Noiz hummed lightly as Koujaku tapped the tip of the quill on the map, blotching the parchment with spots of black ink. Then, as he slashed off another ship – _three left_ – Noiz grasped his hand, stopping him.

“Stop.”

Koujaku eyed him with a questioning look but gave him a small smile and took his hand away from his clutch before slashing about ship off.

Noiz watched as Koujaku stared mindfully at another ship, his frown deepened with every passing minute. Intending to contribute his thoughts, the younger man shifted his attention to the map instead and froze.

The emblem looked strangely familiar.

As Koujaku gave another shook of head and pressed the tip of the quill onto the parchment, Noiz spoke.

“Wait.”

He pulled the parchment nearer and examined it. He was right. He knew that emblem perfectly well.

“What is it, Noiz?” Koujaku asked, curious.

“Do you intend to attack this ship?”

Noiz had never shown interest with any of the things he did and the enthusiasm he portrayed now piqued Koujaku’s interest greatly. He looked at the ship Noiz was pointing again and shook his head.

“I think I’ll pass this one.”

“Why?”

“This ship doesn’t take in a lot of sailors. They’re very particular with the people they choose so I think the chances of my friend being on that ship is very slim.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“It’s my pirate hunch.”

“My hunch tells me that he might be there, though.”

Koujaku eyed Noiz suspiciously, a hint of amusement obvious behind his eyes.

“Do you know this ship?”

Noiz didn’t answer. He tore his eyes away from the map and pushed it back to Koujaku, turning his back towards him at the same time, obviously avoiding the question. But Koujaku wasn’t prepared to give up.

“Noiz, I need to know. I need to make a decision here.”

“Will my answer change your decision?”

“Of course it will.”

“Why?”

Koujaku sighed.

“In case you haven’t noticed, it’s not about me anymore, it’s about _us_. I need to make sure that the decisions I make are the best for both of us.”

“Why am I in the picture?”

Koujaku looked at Noiz, wide-eyed and unsure if he was honest about not knowing why or he was just trying to make him say it out loud.

“You invaded my life and now you want a back out? No will do, young man. Now, spit it out. Do you know this ship?”

Koujaku’s determination seemed to get the better of Noiz as he turned and looked at Koujaku again.

“It’s my family ship.”

Koujaku gulped. The small hint of hesitation within him was soon replaced by a wave of rage as Noiz witnessed the rapid change of expression from a gentle to an almost-furious one within seconds. Before he could ask anything, the pirate grasped the quill and gave the ship an aggressive tick – a yes for an attack.

“Wow, you hate me so much to the extent that you want to destroy my family?”

“I don’t hate you. I hate your family,” Koujaku replied almost instantly. But as soon as he said that, he felt his wrath dissolving in an alarming rate into a tinge of guilt as he turned abruptly to look at Noiz upon realizing how hasty his decision was. Although his family had done horrible stuff to him, it was still his family and he didn’t even ask Noiz if he was fine with the decision.

“Ah, sorry, I mean…” Koujaku stuttered, trying to find the right word. “..you can tell me if you want to spare them, you know.”

Noiz merely looked away, disinterested.

“I want to say that I don’t care but,” he sank into silence for a few seconds before he moved his attention back to the Captain, who was waiting in anticipation. “I want to follow this time.”

This wasn’t the response he had been expecting and it caught Koujaku off guard completely.

As if to assure Koujaku, Noiz continued.

“Like I said, I’ve got a hunch. I believe there’s a hunch that your friend might be there and besides, I want to check on my family by myself.”

“How do you intend to do that? You can’t fight. It’s too risky.”

“I can sneak in. I’m good at that.”

Koujaku was still not convinced. He wanted to give Noiz the power to decide things for himself; he didn’t want to restrict him. But at the same time, the possibility of luring him into danger and hurting him and possibly _killing_ him crossed his mind and he shuddered, conflicted between a yes or a no.

“You’re thinking too hard again,” Noiz deadpanned.

“Of course I am! Do you realize how serious is this? It’s a matter of life and death!”

“I don’t think you’ll die on that ship.”

“It’s not about me, it’s about _you_ , brat.”

Noiz stared aloofly at Koujaku for another few seconds before he gave out a sigh.

“I don’t think my family will kill me, either,” crossing his arms, he leaned forward and stared intensely at the pirate. “I’m still their son. The most they would do is probably chasing me out of the ship or taking me back.”

That was exactly what Koujaku didn’t want. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to take the risk and the moment Noiz mentioned the possibility of them being separated, he felt his heart twitch. There was no way he would hand him back to his inhuman family and he was sure that Noiz wouldn’t want to go back to them, either. But if he was forced to submit, then it would be a whole different story.

He knew that Noiz had probably thought it through when he voiced his decision out. He had known Noiz enough to know that he was dead stubborn and at this point of time, the sailor was merely informing him, not requesting for his permission.

At long last, he gave out a loud sigh.

“I can let you go, but under one condition.”

As Noiz eyed him questionably, he continued.

“I’m joining this time.”

Noiz smirked. “So the Grim Reaper is finally gonna make his debut, huh?”

“Argh, who cares about the debut? I just want to keep an eye on you.”

“I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse.”

“My decision is final.”

Taking that as the end of their conversation, Koujaku folded his map, pocketed it and strolled out of the cabin after saying something about meeting Mink and the others to discuss about the plan.

* * *

 

 

The planning took another two days. As Noiz waited impatiently, Koujaku spent most of his time in his cabin with his top-notch crews. He thought Koujaku had forgotten about his intention to be part of the plan until the pirate crashed into his cabin three days after the wait along with Mink, Clear and Ren. It wasn’t hard for Noiz to notice the tension within Koujaku as he watched the way the pirate frowned and sank in his own thoughts as he read through the plan over and over again, occasionally going back to Mink and Clear for careful clarifications.

At long last, Koujaku shifted his attention to Noiz and he beckoned him to join them at the small, round table.

“You’re to sneak onto that ship,” he said, putting weight on every single word to make sure that Noiz heard them all loud and clear.

“I thought that was what I’d proposed,” Noiz commented nonchalantly, instantly drawing a deeper scowl between Koujaku’s eyebrows.

“Listen. Don’t interrupt,” his voice was so stern it intimidated Noiz slightly.

“Ren will sneak you in. You’ll depart in the reserve boat we keep for emergency use,” Koujaku traced his finger on the map, indicating the route for Noiz to see. “We’ve sent a man to check out the ship for us. This—“ he pointed at a spot located near to the end of the ship. “—is where you’re heading to. It’s an emergency doorway and it’s the most defenseless spot we could find to sneak a person in.”

Noiz nodded, assuring Koujaku that he was remembering everything the Captain was telling him.

Smiling approvingly, Koujaku beckoned Clear over and the cheerful man pushed a pile of clothing into Noiz’s hands.

“Here you go!”

The clothing looked like the typical sailor uniform, similar to his own, besides the turquoise-colored stripes and his family emblem sewn neatly on the sleeve.

“How did you get this?” Noiz asked as he looked up at Koujaku.

Koujaku let out a proud beam and shot a quick glance at Ren before he continued.

“We’re called the most fearful pirates on the ocean for a reason.”

Decided that he wouldn’t want to pester further, Noiz placed the sailor uniform on the table and looked at Koujaku, urging him for further instructions.

“When you’re on board,” Koujaku pulled out another piece of parchment and pushed it towards Noiz. It was a detailed structure of the ship, with every room and number of persons on it clearly tagged and labeled. Koujaku traced his finger on the dotted lines he’d drawn for Noiz to understand better and continued. “..go straight here. This is where you’ll find a lever. Activate it and the entrance will open for us. It’s an entrance for us to move easier.”

By now, Noiz had started to understand how the whole thing would work but he had his own set of questions to ask. He still remembered the way Benishigure had attacked the cruise ship they were on, in which they’d made quite a raucous and ‘remarkable’ entrance. So why would they change their strategy this time round?

As if he was reading Noiz’s mind, Koujaku coughed lightly.

“We’re taking it very quietly this time because our main objective is not to take over the ship and well..”

“We’re outnumbered.”

The voice that filled his sentence for him was muttered by another person. Noiz shifted his gaze to Mink, who was staring out of the window. There were no apparent emotions on his face but the discontentment was obvious. No matter how little knowledge Noiz had towards the ship’s operation, he could still make out that this was obviously not their preferred way of doing things. Benishigure had lived up to their name by far; always being the ferocious, aggressive group of pirates that almost every other ship feared. But what they were going to do now was very much different from how they did it in the past and Noiz had a vague understanding of how it ended up this way.

It was finally happening – the rebel.

That was probably why it took longer for them to plan the entire thing, although Noiz had a feeling that he was also part of the reason why Koujaku was being extra cautious this time.

“Do you have any questions?” Koujaku asked as he eyed the younger man warily, the hint of worries obvious behind his ruby-colored eyes.

Noiz studied the map again and shook his head.

“I think I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

There was a brief silence before Koujaku let out a loud sigh and slumped back on the chair.

“I seriously don’t know why I’m allowing you into this situation. I don’t even know why I’m invading that ship.”

Noiz gave out a small laugh. He knew perfectly well why Koujaku was doing it and he knew that what the pirate had just said was merely a form of distraction to distract himself from his uncertainties.

“I would need a hand to beat the crap out of my parents if we ever met,” Noiz said casually.

Koujaku didn’t comment further on his response; instead, he gave out a laugh, which was more than enough for Noiz to understand that he’d hit the right spot. It was easy to figure the Captain out, but what amazed Noiz more was the fact that Mink, Clear and Ren stayed with Koujaku without any hesitations. It could easily come off as a selfish, self-indulgent act but at the end of the day, they choose to stay with Koujaku.

They’d decided to follow their Captain till the very end.

* * *

 

The plan was to be carried out two nights later. Noiz was all prepared when Sei knocked on his door and when he saw Noiz in his sailor uniform, he smiled.

“You would probably hate me for saying this but I always feel that a sailor costume looks good on you.”

Noiz didn’t particularly dislike the attire. It just didn’t mean anything to him. As he heard Sei’s comment, he turned reflexively to face the mirror and looked at his own reflection for a few seconds before he turned back to his caretaker. His confused expression prompted Sei to ruffle his hair and give him a gentle smile which immediately calmed him down.

“Please be careful out there. I know we hadn’t known each other for a very long time but you’re always a good child. I really don’t want to see anything bad happens to you.”

Noiz nodded. He didn’t know what to say. He was never good at responding to genuine gentleness.

“And,” Sei continued, his voice turned small and even sounded a bit hesitant. “If you ever find my brither, please take him back too.”

“Your brother?”

“Aoba. He’s my brother.”

Noiz had never heard of the name before. Upon seeing Noiz’s confused look, Sei gave out a small ‘oh’ and laughed lightly.

“I see. Koujaku hasn’t told you anything?”

“What is this all about?”

Sei searched around his pocket and pulled out a picture. It was a picture of him and a blue-haired man, whom Noiz recognized instantly as the same person he’d seen in Koujaku’s room.

“His name is Aoba and he’s my brother,” Sei explained, his gaze glued to the cheerful man in the picture. “He’s the whole reason why Koujaku is being forced into this situation.”

Noiz had never known this side of the story. He knew that Sei and Koujaku had known each other for a long time, but he’d never expected them to be _that_ close.

“I insisted to follow him here because I was worried. It was a mistake he couldn’t help but obviously, he took all the blame upon himself and walked on this path of no return. I just couldn’t bear seeing him like that.”

Noiz was trying to organize the new information when Sei pushed the picture into his hand.

“Now it’s your turn to take care of him. He could be reckless at times and when it happens, please stop him,” Sei continued as he proceeded to grab Noiz’s hand with both of his hands. “Noiz, please save Koujaku.”

The last sentence hit Noiz so hard he felt his heart skipped a beat. He’d never know how to be a useful person, let alone becoming someone else’s savior. But he had no time to contemplate further as he was rushed out of the room by Clear and straight towards the deck, where everyone gathered.

 

 

He’d expected the number to be lesser this time round but he didn’t expect the crowd to be _this_ small. Only Koujaku, Mink, Clear, Ren and a handful of the other younger crew members were on the deck. Noiz had thought that the fact that Koujaku was going into action for the first time ever would’ve piqued the spirit of the crew but apparently, he was wrong. He was aware that Koujaku’s decision was a double-edged sword but it seemed that the unresolved rumors had put him in the worst position, causing the situation to end up in the most undesirable way.

The Captain was right, after all. Everything was coming to an end and he didn’t even care if the end meant losing his reputation. The thought that this might be their very last invasion crossed Noiz’s head and he found himself ponder at the possibility. Trying to focus on the matter on his hands, Noiz walked towards the small group of people, purposely ignoring the many hidden stares from behind the cabin curtains as he stood in front of Koujaku and waited for his instructions.

At first, Koujaku merely stared at him. The gaze his gave him was strong and confident but the hint of hesitations behind it was equally strong, to the extent that Noiz could almost feel his composure front at the verge of shattering. Noiz had no intention to back out, either, not after his stubbornness had cost Koujaku his reputation. It was part of his fault that the situation had now taken a wrong turn and he wasn’t going to deny the responsibility. He had absolutely no idea of what would happen later, or even after that. All he knew was that his was a step he had to take to move forward, and perhaps Koujaku needed this step as well. They needed answers. That was all they needed.

Koujaku placed both of his hands on the sailor’s shoulders and asked him with a voice so deep it was almost unlike his own.

“Are you sure about this, Noiz?”

Noiz returned his stare with a nod.

Letting out a deep breath, Koujaku turned his back towards the sailor, increasing their gap and turning around to face the small crowd.

“I know this is very unlike what we’d done before and I’m very grateful to have you here with me. I appreciate your cooperation from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for staying with me,” he closed his eyes, took another deep breath and opened them again to look at his crew with a gaze so strong and ferocious it instantly heightened his leadership composure. “Remember, no matter what happens, stay alive.” There was no way they’d missed the way he emphasized no every one of his word.

As he called the anticipated ‘Let’s rule the sea!’ call, the tension heightened.

Instantly, Ren grabbed Noiz and led him to the back of the ship as he motioned him into a small boat. There was no time for them to stop as they hurried towards the gigantic ship located not far away from the pirate ship. Ren’s entire attention was on the ship in front of them, his eyes fixed unblinkingly at the spot where they were supposed to head to. When they were merely few feet away from their target, Ren reduced their speed and quietly, inched them closer to a spot where a rope was seen dangling from the hull.

“Wait.”

The simple word Ren had muttered halted Noiz’s action immediately as he watched the quiet man reached out to the rope and grabbed it towards them. Moving swiftly, he proceeded to take quick climbs up to the base of the ship and started examining a part of it which Noiz recognized as a piece of loosely patched wood. Pulling a small blade out of his pocket, he proceeded to fidget on the padlock. It took only a few seconds for Noiz to hear a small click and Ren pocketed his blade as he pushed the piece of wood inward to the ship and exposing a dash of bright light. The entrance was now opened.

Ren descended back to the small boat and motioned Noiz up, giving him a rough push when he was near to the small hole to help him climb onto the floor of red carpet on the ship. When he had landed safely inside, Noiz gave Ren a nod and was about to get to work when Ren grabbed his wrist.

“Be careful.”

That was the last thing he heard from Ren before the man’s head disappeared behind the piece of wood and he was left alone on the ship. He’d succeeded his invasion. Smirking at how ironic the situation was, he looked around to make sure that his coast was clear before he took the piece of parchment Koujaku had given him and prepared to set the plan to work. This could be the first and last time he’d be involved in Benishigure’s operation. He couldn’t afford failures.

 

 

The corridor was quiet; in fact, _too_ quiet. It was very different as compared to the cruise ship he used to work on and as he walked cautiously along the corridor, trying to ignore the uneasiness in his chest, he heard footsteps heading his way. He immediately pocketed the parchment and adjusted his posture. He needed to remember that he was a sailor on the ship and he needed to embrace that identity for now. Two sailors were wearing the same attire as him appeared from around the corner, each of them with a tray in their hands. He stood, glued on the same spot, as the sailors noticed him and he quickly lowered his head, silently hoping that he looked natural enough to be part of them.

“Hey, what’re you doing here? Everyone else is in the master cabin,” one of the sailors asked as they walked towards him.

Realizing that it was no longer possible for him to escape, Noiz lifted his head and smiled brightly at the sailors.

“I’m on the way there. Bad stomach.”

“Ah, I see. Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah. Thanks for asking.”

“That’s good. Off you go.”

At least the sailors on this ship were way more civilized. Silently letting out a sigh of relief, Noiz hurried down the corridor but before he could turn the corner, he heard someone calling him again.

“Hey.”

He turned around warily and flashed them one of his fake smiles again.

“By the way, I haven’t seen you around here before. Are you new?”

“Yeah, I just came on board last week.”

Noiz mouthed the first thing that popped into his head but as soon as the words slipped out of his mouth, he regretted.

 _This ship doesn’t take in a lot of sailors. They seemed to be very particular with the people they choose_.

Koujaku had mentioned this to him before. So what if thye hadn’t been recruiting any sailors for the past weeks, or even months?

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Noiz watched cautiously as the two sailors shot him a suspicious stare. When the sailor who’d directed him the question muttered a quiet ‘I see. Now off you go’, he let out another sigh.

He’d expected the task to be risky; but what just happened caught him off guard completely. His heartbeat was still beating loudly in his ears when he rushed his way down the corridor. Taking a deep breath to calm himself down, he made a rapid, sharp turn at a corner and jumped aggressively when he bumped into something. The violent hit nearly threw him off his feet as he quickly grasped onto the nearest pillar he could reach to keep himself balanced. But the ‘something’ he’d bumped into wasn’t so fortunate. After he’d managed to balance himself, he looked down to see what or rather, who he’d just bumped into.

It was a man, _a blue-haired man_.

“Ow, ow, ow.”

The blue-haired man was wearing the same attire as him. Noiz recognized him in an instant and as he sat on the floor rubbing the red spot on his forehead, Noiz walked towards him and held out a hand.

“Sorry. Are you okay?”

The small man looked up, hand still on his forehead, and Noiz’s suspicion was confirmed instantly. As the pair of golden eyes examined him curiously, he held his hand closer towards him and pulled him back up to his feet.

“That hurts. Ouch,” the man complained.

He looked nothing like Sei but somehow, Noiz felt an odd sense of trust in him the moment he caught his eyes. It was a hunch, and the fact that he was Koujaku’s precious friend further convinced him that this man could be trusted.

“I’m sorry for that. I walked a bit too fast.”

The blue-haired man scowled and pouted at him before he bent down to retrieve the tray which was knocked out of his hands when he’d bumped into Noiz.

“Are you Aoba?”

His movement froze and he looked up, eyeing Noiz suspiciously.

“How do you know? I don’t think we’ve met,” his tone was filled with a mix of suspicions and curiosity. It couldn’t be help, Noiz thought. Although Noiz couldn’t spot any obvious signs of abuse on his skin, he could tell from his eyes and from the way he behaved that he’d been living a cautious life on the ship. It was unavoidable. The life of a sailor was as such, and Noiz knew it very well.

“Do you know Koujaku?” Ignoring Aoba’s question, Noiz continued asking.

Aoba’s eyes widened at the mention of Koujaku’s name and he stared at Noiz, open-mouthed, as Noiz’s mouth curved into a small grin.

 _Bingo_.

He proceeded to take the picture that Sei had given him out and showed it to Aoba. The reaction was instant. Moments later, tiny beads of tears started forming at the corner of Aoba’s eyes as he covered his mouth with the back of his hand to stifle his sobs.

Noiz didn’t know what to do in this kind of situation. He merely watched as Aoba rubbed his eyes. He wanted to give him a pat on the shoulder but he found his vigilance getting in his way. So instead, he slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out a piece of handkerchief along as he held it out to Aoba, who looked up at him with a pair of puffy eyes. The gold in his eyes were still faintly visible behind the tears but the light was still strong and Noiz was immediately reminded of Koujaku as he gave Aoba a gentle pat on the head while the sobbing man blew his nose with Noiz’s handkerchief.

“How do you know about Koujaku and Sei?” Aoba finally asked after he’d managed to control his emotions.

Beaming, Noiz pulled the parchment out from his pocket and asked.

“Do you trust me?”

\--

 

He bumped into a few of the other sailors again but he managed to slip past them without any significant problems. It took a bit longer than he’d expected to reach the designated location when Koujaku had directed him to. Scanning around to make sure that he was completely alone, he took a needle out and started fidgeting with the small padlock on the cabin door until he heard a small click. Cautiously opening the door, he walked into the darkness of the room and searched around for the lever. It wasn’t too hard to find thanks to the small size of the room. After making sure that the lever was the one that was illustrated on the parchment, he activated it, instantly hearing a small thump from not far away.

Everything was going according to the plan so far.

Koujaku, Mink, Clear, Ren and four other crew members were already climbing their way up the ship when Noiz rushed over to meet them. It appeared that it was another one of those emergency escape routes and it was far bigger than the one Noiz had used to climb in.

After giving him a pat on his shoulder, Koujaku directed the crew members to follow him as he gestured Noiz to stay close behind him.

“Hey, Koujaku,” Noiz whispered.

“Hmm?”

“I found Aoba.”

Koujaku halted suddenly, causing Noiz and the other crew members to almost crash into him as he turned around and looked at Noiz, the shock obvious on his face.

“Where is he?”

“I’ve directed him to somewhere safe.”

“That’s great!” Clear whispered from behind them. “Save us the time to find him! Now we can retrieve him and get out of here as soon as possible!”

Mink nodded in agreement. Koujaku smiled happily and nodded as well. But his expression changed into a stern one when he turned back to look at Noiz.

“Did you… found your family?”

“No. It was a lot of trouble moving around so I didn’t really have the time to explore further.”

“Do you want to find them?”

Nozi contemplated for mere seconds before he turned to look at the crew members behind him and back to Koujaku.

“It’s fine. What’s more important now is to get ourselves out before someone finds us.”

He was merely trying his luck when he proposed to sneak into the ship. It was good enough for him now that one out of the two things he wanted to achieve was completed. It was too selfish for him to put everyone’s lives in danger just so he could see his family. Koujaku seemed to be slightly hesitant with his decision but he didn’t comment further. As he allowed Noiz to take the lead, he kept his eyes around, hoping to catch a sign of blonde that could possibly create a faint hope for Noiz to catch a glimpse of his family before leaving.

He was troubled with the fact that Noiz’s objective was not achieved but his was.

A few minutes later, they found themselves standing in front of a cabin door. Noiz looked around again before he turned to face Koujaku and the rest.

“Here it is. He’s inside here.”

After receiving Koujaku’s nod of approval, Noiz opened the door.

The entire room was covered in darkness, which was weird. He searched around for a source of light but before he could find any, brightness spread through the room and they found themselves being confronted by a huge group of sailors, all wearing the exact same attire as Noiz.

The next thing happened so fast Noiz didn’t have the time to respond at all. The only thing he could remember was Koujaku pulling him away from the attacking sailors and he was pushed into Ren’s clutch as the man quickly grabbed him by the arm and ran out of the room and along the corridor. He could hear gunshots and his heart gave out a loud thump. None of the Benishigure members were carrying guns that night. He was about to slow down his speed but Ren dragged him to run faster.

“Keep running. Don’t look back.”

“But..”

“Keep running.”

He wanted to, but when they turned a corner, he realized that it was impossible. There was another group of sailor in front of them, as if they were waiting for them to appear. Clicking his tongue, Ren turned back but immediately halted again when he realized that they were surrounded from both back and front.

This was it. This was the end.

“Well, I didn’t expect us to reunite like this.”

Noiz scowled upon hearing the voice and he looked up to see a blonde-haired man walking towards them.

His father had not changed a single bit; but he bet _he_ ’d changed a lot judging from the way the father scanned him from head to toe with an amused look on his face. Before he could retort, Noiz felt a pair of hands grabbing him from behind and pulling him away from Ren.

“Take them there,” the father demanded.

Minutes later, they found themselves back in the room where they were ambushed. The other Benishigure members were captured and bounded, including Koujaku, Mink and Clear. When Koujaku saw Noiz and Ren being thrown unceremoniously on the floor, he clicked his tongue and returned his glare at the blonde who’d just walked into the room.

“I received a few reports from my sailors telling me that there was a suspicious blonde sailor roaming around the place and I thought he could be you,” the blonde said as he looked down at his son. “You’ve grown, Noiz.”

“Of course I have. Who wouldn’t after they were forced to go through such horrible life experiences?”

The father didn’t seem to be affected by the son’s mocks as he squatted down and looked  him in the eyes, his gaze returned by Noiz’s own stern stare as he glared furiously at his father.

“What if, I say you can end this horrible life experience?”

Noiz froze. Satisfied with the response, the father continued.

“I didn’t expect you to end up with this bunch of pirates, though. I thought I gave you away to a well-reputed merchant. You’re born with a good background and it’s not too late to return to where you belong. I think you’ve learned enough to return to us. Now you can put those experiences into good use and live up to your fine name,” the blonde continued, his voice becoming louder with every word, as if he wanted everyone in the cabin to hear. “I’m giving you a choice, Noiz. Don’t you feel tired having to live such a horrible, unstable life for so long?”

Koujaku’s eyes were on Noiz. The wrath he felt earlier was slowly fading away, replaced by a faint hint of nervousness and insecurity. Noiz was not looking at him. He had not been looking at him ever since he was brought into the room and it was starting to crack his nerve. He trusted Noiz. He knew Noiz wouldn’t fall for a trap like this and he knew how much Noiz hated his family. He trusted him.

“Yeah, I’m tired. I’m very, very tired.”

Koujaku couldn’t believe his ears. He stared, shocked, as he watched the sailors untied Noiz. He couldn’t hear what they said after that. He couldn’t hear anything else besides the loud thumping of his own heart in his ears. But when Noiz came closer to him and when they faces were merely inches apart from each other, he returned to reality, realizing what he had to deal with.

 _Noiz betrayed him_.

“Noi—“

He felt a sharp, cold sensation against his throat before he could finish his word. Noiz looked emotionlessly at him as the cold blade sank deeper into his skin. Then, the brat gave out a small laugh.

“You know, I always thought that I would die in the hands of a pirate but turn out,” Noiz inched his face closer and whispered into Koujaku’s ear. “..a pirate would die in _my_ hands. Such irony, isn’t it?”

Everything blacked out. The last thing Koujaku saw was red.

 

Red everywhere.

 

 


	6. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home
> 
> adjective: home  
> 1.  
> of or relating to the place where one lives.
> 
> It was not where they choose to be, but where they belonged. Sometimes they were not given an option; but sometimes, the option came to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was born because I couldn't suppress the idea and I really wanted to write Koujaku and Noiz in an alternate universe which was completely different from the usual context. Their dynamics are truly interesting and I had a lot of fun and insights into their characterization when I wrote this story. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the story and thanks for enduring & staying with me :)

_“Do you trust me?”_

_“Huh?”_

_Aoba looked at Noiz, confused. Even when the man knew about him, he knew nothing about this man. He should be wary with his actions and with the trust he gave others. He wouldn’t want the same mistake to repeat again. But there was this hint of resolution in this young man’s eyes that gave him an unsuppressed kind of trust towards him. He was here for a reason. And he was determined to achieve it._

_“I’m here to save you, Aoba.”_

_Noiz started to explain everything to Aoba, while the blue-haired man listened mindfully. He told him everything about himself, about his family, about how he ended up as a sailor, about how he ended up with Koujaku, and about how he met Koujaku. He even told him about how he wanted to be part of the operation._

_“But…Noiz, right?”_

_Noiz nodded._

_“How could you be so sure that I’m here? I don’t believe it’s just a hunch.”_

_Noiz gave out a small laugh. This man only knew him for a few minutes and he’d already showed that he was capable of understanding Noiz better than Koujaku, whom he’d known for months._

_He saw through him. And he was absolutely right._

_Noiz wouldn't do something that he would regret. Confidence was the key. He wouldn't want to risk luring his friends into danger just because of his hunch. It required a lot of observation and analysis for him to come to this conclusion._

_“Remember I told you that I was from Germany? I grew up in that place and strolling through the cities was part of my education. When Koujaku described the place, I knew it must be Germany. I was born in one of the most prestigious merchant families there. Many fear my family, especially people who’re in a different social class as us. They want nothing to do with my family and we’re the only family in Germany who hold this power. So when Koujaku described to me on how people didn't want to be involved when they saw you being taken away, I knew that it must be related to my family.”_

_Aoba gaped at Noiz. When his eyes first met Noiz’s, he already knew that this person was intelligent, but he’d never expected him to be so observant and analytic, to the extent that he took every single word Koujaku said into consideration and read between the lines. He was a gifted child._

_“Not only that,” Noiz continued after he glanced around to make sure that their coast was still clear. “The time when you were kidnapped was the most important hint. You were captured four years ago, right?” Aoba nodded. “I was sold by my family four years ago, and I assumed that my family would want to find a replacement to take my place. Putting you straightaway in my shoes would be a hasty move. Can I assume that they have taught you not only about how to become a sailor, but also about my family history and ethics as well? Did they bring you to meet people from other families?” Aoba nodded again, still gaping at Noiz. “That’s right. Koujaku became a pirate four years ago. Don’t tell me these are all coincidences.”_

_Noiz allowed a moment for Aoba to digest the information. After the reality finally sank in, Aoba mouthed a quiet ‘wow’ before he looked at Noiz again, who was smiling tenderly at him._

_“I guess we’re in this together now. But I’m glad they didn't abuse you or anything.”_

_Aoba smiled, stunning Noiz almost instantly. Now he finally saw the resemblance of this man with his brother._

_“Aoba, I need your help.” Noiz quickly continued, his tone turning into a serious one._

_“I think they’re starting to suspect me now. It won’t take too long for them to report me and hunt me down. I could escape now, but the worse thing is, Koujaku and his crew are coming very soon. I don’t have the time to stop them from coming.”_

_Aoba listened attentively and nodded his head._

_“Will you help me?” Noiz asked._

_“What’re you talking about? Of course I’ll help you! I want to get out of this place soon and I want all of you to be able to finally go home!”_

_This person reminded him of Koujaku the more he talked but he didn't have time to deal with that at this moment._

_“Here’s the thing. I’m guessing that by the time I open the entrance, they would be watching me already. I need to divert them to a place which was cramp and easy to escape. Do you know of a place like this?”_

_Aoba tilted his head, considering his options; then, his eyes brightened._

_“There’s a room down the corridor. It’s pretty near to the entrance you’re talking about.”_

_“Excellent.” Noiz opened the parchment and showed it to Aoba. “I’ll tell Koujaku and the rest that you’re here and I’ll lead them here. Could you do me a favor?”_

_“Fire away, brat.”_

_Even the way he called him was the same._

_“I’ll need you to deactivate the main power source of this ship for maybe….ten minutes. I need the entire ship to fall into darkness.”_

_“I can do that. Do I need to wait for any signal?”_

_“Just keep an eye on us. Five minutes after you see us being taken into the room you mentioned, you can put the plan into action.”_

_“Got that.”_

_Aoba nodded. Then, he gave out a deep breath._

_“Are you okay?” Noiz asked. He didn't have the time to doubt the ability of this man. He only had his faith towards him to rely on. But his instinct told him that everything would be fine. They needed to be fine and they would be fine._

_“Yeah, I’m ready.”_

_“Awesome.”_

 

* * *

 

 

The last thing Koujaku saw was red. Red everywhere. 

Before everything blacked out. 

He was expecting pain but when none came, he became confused. Before he could figure out what had just happened, he felt the ropes behind him loosened and a few gunshots were heard. He couldn't see anything. Everything had fallen into darkness. But he knew that someone was fiddling with his constraints and that that someone was Noiz. 

“Run.” 

Noiz’s voice was small beside his ear but it sounded serious. Knowing that he didn't have the time to consider further, he quickly released himself from his constraints, intending to grab Noiz to run with him before Noiz muttered. 

“No, you run first. I need to release the others.” 

“But..” 

“Run, Koujaku.” 

“Wait.” 

“Run! We don’t have time!” Noiz finally exploded. 

Astounded with the sudden stress in his tone, Koujaku obeyed hastily and ran towards the door, kicking it open to reveal the dark corridor. Not long after, he heard loud commotions from the inside of the room but his crew members crashed out of it before he had the chance to run back inside to help. Their surrounding was still dark but they didn't care. The few shadows ran passed him and straight down the corridor, and he followed, without knowing if he was following his friends or foes. As he ran up to a big-sized man in front of the group, he realized that it was Mink. 

“Mink? Where’s Noiz?!” 

“He’s behind.” 

Koujaku looked back and vaguely made out the shadow of Ren heaving someone behind his back. That was when he knew that all of them had gotten out safely. They ran a good distance before the electricity snapped back to life and they turned around to see their coast clean and clear. 

Noiz’s light coughs stopped Koujaku’s track. Running towards the opposite direction, he approached Noiz to see half of his shirt covered in red. 

So the red he saw just now was not his. It was Noiz’s blood. 

“Noiz! Goddammit!” He rushed towards Noiz, heaved him off Ren’s shoulder, placed his back against the wall and examined the wound. “Fuck, he’s losing a lot of blood.” 

“Calm down, Koujaku.” Noiz mumbled, his voice barely audible. 

“Does it hurt? Argh, what can we do?!” 

Noiz smiled. “No, it doesn’t hurt.” 

God, what did he just asked? 

Koujaku didn't even have the time to feel regret when Noiz stood up unhurriedly, his hand clutching his left arm. He had been shot in the shoulder. He didn't know who fired the shot but he had a feeling that it was his father, not trusting him to kill the pirate and intending to do it himself but ended up shooting his own son instead. Noiz had seen him pulling the gun out when he approached Koujaku and he had launched himself at the older man to block the shot for him, just before the ship blacked out. 

“Now’s not the time for that. We need to keep moving.” Noiz urged. He couldn't feel the pain, but he was sure that his left arm was useless at the moment. He couldn't move an inch. 

“Koujaku, let’s go.” Noiz urged again, shooting Koujaku a stern look and started moving wobbly down the corridor. 

Koujaku was dying to treat Noiz’s wound now, but he knew where Noiz’s urgency came from. They needed to get out of the ship as soon as possible, then they could deal with the other things later. Rushing forward and heaving Noiz’s arm over his shoulder, he gestured the crew members to hurry towards the place where they’d appeared from. 

It didn't take too long for them to reach their destination but their alertness heightened immediately when they saw someone else waiting for them there. 

“Koujaku!” 

“Aoba!” 

Aoba had managed to reach the place safely, under Noiz’s instruction. Beaming brightly at his long-lost friend, Koujaku didn't have the time to dwell more with his emotions when Aoba heaved the piece of wood and revealed the exit. 

“Go, now!” He demanded. 

Everyone obeyed. The four crew members descended first. The boats they’d used to reach here were still waiting for them. Ren, Clear, and Mink followed after. 

“Aoba, you go first.” Koujaku instructed. 

Aoba merely stared at him for a while before he nodded and started making his way down. Halfway down, he suddenly heard loud noises from above, causing his heartbeat to increase uncontrollably and cold sweat started drenching his back. 

“Koujaku! Noiz! Jump!” He shouted. 

They were coming. Almost there. 

Koujaku looked over his shoulder and clicked his tongue. There seemed to be a lot of people. He gave Noiz a quick look, instantly understanding that Noiz was in no condition to risk a precarious dive. Then, he gave Aoba a final look, which was returned by Aoba’s own anxious ones. Smiling tenderly, he squatted down, closing the gap between them. 

“Aoba, find Sei, and bring him back. Clear and the others will lead you.” He reached out to ruffle the childhood friend’s head. “Go home, Aoba.” 

“No! Koujaku! Come home with us! Please!” Aoba pleaded, almost attempting to climb back up. 

Koujaku merely smiled and put his hand on the wooden piece. 

“I’m sorry, Aoba.” 

And he sealed away the hope of going home for him.

 

  

He had a whole new problem in front of him. Heaving Noiz firmly over his shoulder, he sped towards the source of the commotion and, as expected, he saw the group of sailor from before speeding towards them. 

“Noiz, can you run?” 

Noiz smirked. 

“Of course I can, who do you think I am?” 

“Good.” Koujaku returned the smirk. “Let’s crash through them.” 

And they ran, at full speed, crashing down the wall of humans and straight towards the deck, non-stop. Noiz felt the blood dripping off his arm with every step he took but he didn't bother to pay any attention to it. His injury was the least of his concern; their survival was more important. They needed to make it out. This was their final chance. 

They reached the deck in one piece. Koujaku rushed to the end of the deck and checked the sea. Their coast was clear. He motioned Noiz to climb over the wooden railing when they heard a sudden, loud explosion behind them. 

Turning around reflexively, they saw the top of the ship on fire and clouds of black smoke rising into the night sky. Koujaku ran to the other corner of the deck for a better look as Noiz followed. 

The ship was attacked, by another group of pirate. Perfect timing. 

Scowling and clicking his tongue, he supported Noiz back to where they were preparing to jump and looked at him. There was something wrong with Koujaku and Noiz could see it from his eyes. They were wavering and hesitant. As the pirate closed his eyes, his frown never left him, he stroked the pirate’s cheekbone, causing the older man to open his eyes again and look at him; this time, there was a hint of tenderness mix with faint miseries hidden beneath his eyes. It was something Noiz used to adore, but now, he found them oddly unsettling. 

“Kou—“ 

“Noiz, I want you to go first.” 

“No, we’ll go together.” 

“No, listen to me, Noiz.” Koujaku cupped Noiz’s face and brought their faces closer. “I need to save them.” 

“What? No, Koujaku. You don’t owe them anything. They brought this upon themselves. This whole thing has got nothing to do with you. Don’t be stupid!” 

Koujaku shook his head. 

“Noiz, you don’t understand. Those are real lives right there. They've got their families, their children, and their friends waiting for them. They've got a home to return to.” 

“You've got a home to return to as well! Now shut up and follow me.” 

Noiz intended to break free off Koujaku but he wouldn't release him. 

“My duties are done. My objective is achieved, Noiz. Aoba is in safe hands now.” He smiled bitterly. “Besides, your family is in there, too. Your dad, your mom, your brother. They’re still trapped in there.” 

Noiz had never told Koujaku anything about his family members. The fact that Koujaku knew every member of his family surprised him and it occurred to him at that very moment that the pirate must had studied him all this while. He was trying to know more about him, even when he didn't mutter a single word to him. The realization twitched his heart as he felt his vision blurring out. 

“I need to go.” Koujaku repeated. 

“Koujaku, wait. If you’re going, I’m coming with you.” 

The pirate smiled miserably at him and shook his head. 

“Usually I’ll let you do what you want but not this time, Noiz.” 

“No, I—“ 

“Please, Noiz! This is the last thing I would ever ask from you! Please!” Koujaku growled, almost shouting into Noiz’s face. 

They sank into silence for brief seconds before Koujaku planted a kiss on Noiz’s forehead, then he brought their lips together. 

“I love you, Noiz. Thank you for making me feel human again.” 

“Kou—“ 

Before Noiz could say anything, Koujaku gave him a tender, genuine smile that immediately took his words away. Then, he stared as Koujaku looked around the sea and shouted. 

“Mink!” 

They heard the sound of water lapping underneath them and Koujaku returned his gaze at Noiz, giving him another kiss and, 

“I’m going to do something that I've said I’ll do.” 

Before Noiz could mutter the ‘what’, Koujaku continued. 

“Throw you into the sea.” 

And he did. 

Noiz felt himself falling off the wooden railing and straight into the ocean. He was about to catch his breath when a pair of hands grabbed both of his arms and pulled him onto a boat. As he coughed the sea water out of his lungs, he looked up to see Mink, not looking at him but rowing in rapid speed away from his family ship. 

Away from Koujaku. 

“Wait, stop, Mink! Koujaku is still there! We need to—“ 

“Captain’s order is absolute.” 

Mink interrupted bluntly, his eyes still not looking at Noiz, not even at the ship. 

“Your Captain is dying, goddammit!” 

Noiz had never expressed such big emotions before in his entire life. He’d never lost himself before. He had always been very composed and calm towards everything that was thrown at him. But as the thought of losing Koujaku crossed his mind, he felt a huge rush of emotions surging uncontrollably into him and the moistness in his eyes convinced him that his emotions are real. He hadn't lost everything. He was properly feeling it. Koujaku was the reason why he felt the emotions he was feeling now. 

He needed Koujaku. Koujaku was the one who reminded him that he was still human. He couldn't lose him now. 

He was about to jump off the boat when another loud explosion was heard and he lifted his head to see the ship swallowed by fire, and it sank, right before his very eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

Noiz returned to Japan with Aoba and Sei after that. Mink, as requested by Koujaku, sent all the remaining crew members, including Clear and Ren, back to their homes. Benishigure was dissolved after that. There were rumors saying that the pirate group was dissolved because their Captain committed suicide due to overwhelming pressure. Only a few people knew the true story behind the entire thing. Noiz almost broke a person’s nose in a restaurant when he first heard about the rumor. He was lucky Aoba was there to stop him. 

The nineteen-year-old had his own regrets. He could never forgive himself. He wished he’s stood up for Koujaku more when he still had the chance. He hated the world for putting Koujaku under this humiliation even when he was gone. He hoped that he could do something about it but he knew that Koujaku would just brush it off if he was here. He would just laugh at himself and do nothing about it. Koujaku was extremely senseless, so senseless that he could go to the extent of throwing his life away for people who didn't care. How could a man be so selfless and selfish in the same time? 

But on top of all, how dared he leave him alone after he’d promised to show him the world? 

Few weeks after the incident, Noiz also learned that his family and most of the sailors survived the boat attack. This new information did nothing to make him feel better. The wrath and frustration in him were too overwhelming for him to ignore. They didn't deserve it. Koujaku deserved peace more than them. Why was the world so unfair? What did Koujaku do to deserve this? Why couldn't he live normally like any other person? Just because of that one mistake that he couldn't help? 

He was angry at Koujaku. He was angry at him for being so selfish. Did he even realize how important he was for his friends? For Noiz? 

 

Noiz had been staying with Aoba and Sei ever since. Aoba had insisted him to attend the local school. The younger man wasn't very receptive towards the idea at first but Aoba insisted, saying that Koujaku would want him to be a useful man for himself. The fact that Aoba brought Koujaku into the picture was unfair. He knew he wouldn't say no. Thus, he complied after promising that he’d repay them once he was capable of doing so. 

A week after he’d settled down in Japan, Aoba led him to Koujaku’s house, assuming that he would want to see how Koujaku had led his life before his pirate life took over him. As Noiz pushed the door open, he was exposed to a normal, average-looking space. The furniture was decently located in the right corners; a row of picture frames neatly arranged on the shelf; and the bed was clean and nicely done. At that moment of time, Noiz realized how normal Koujaku was. He was no Grim Reaper of the Sea; he was no pirate; he was just a man; a normal man who deserved happiness. 

After Aoba left him alone, he walked around the place, trying to take in every single thing in the house. The space reflected the owner perfectly – neat and simple. Nothing too complicated. Sitting on the bed, he reached out for the portrait of Koujaku by his bedside table and stared at it. The man in the picture was smiling happily at him. It was a smile he didn't get to see a lot. The only time he’d managed to see this smile was when the older man had kissed him before he threw him into the sea. He was leading such a happy life before he became a pirate. And Noiz didn't have the chance to witness this happiness of his. He didn't have the chance to share the happiness with him. Hugging the frame close to his chest, he allowed the memories of their times together to play in his mind.

 

 _The times when he’d called him ‘old man’ and he’d called him ‘brat’ even when they knew each other’s names perfectly well._

_The times when they sank into their comfortable silence; Koujaku smoking his cigar and the brat gazing absent-mindedly out of the window._

_The times when they had aggressive physical contacts that both of them needed._

_They times when they’d called each other Koujaku and Noiz…_

 

He cried.

 

Unable to suppress the overflowing emotions, Noiz hugged the frame closer, allowing the emotions to take over him as he desperately hung onto the only memories he had of Koujaku, the only remains he’d left for him.

 

* * *

  

His life took a huge turn. He was no longer living the torturous and unstable sailor life; instead, he was properly living the life of a normal youngster. He went to school; he helped around the house; and he explored the cities from time to time. But no matter how big the changes were, there was one thing that he would never miss doing. 

“Noiz?” 

He was staring absent-mindedly at the sea when he heard someone calling him from behind. 

“I knew you would be here.” Aoba said as he settled beside the younger man. 

He would never miss the chance to come here every day ever since he’d settled down in Japan. He hated the sea. It gave him memories and experiences he didn't need; it took away four years of his life. But the sea was also what led him to Koujaku – the Grim Reaper of the Sea, also the Grim Reaper who he got too attached with. 

“I brought you something to eat.” Aoba continued happily as he waved the box of food in front of Noiz. 

“Thank you.” Noiz smiled gently, taking the food box from Aoba. 

Aoba was as what Noiz had thought he would be – considerate, kind, gentle, almost a replica of Koujaku. He was more composed and less hot-tempered. But they shared something in common - both of them changed Noiz’s life. 

“I've made a local dish for you today.” Aoba said as he opened the lunchbox. “It’s also one of Koujaku’s favorites.” 

Noiz froze upon hearing Koujaku’s name but quickly regained his calm as he stared into the lunchbox to find the space filled with noodles. 

“It’s called soba noodle. I used to make this for Koujaku, but he always complained about how tasteless it is every single time.” Aoba ended with a pout, which Noiz found oddly endearing. 

“Tell me more.” 

“Huh?” 

“Tell me more about the old man.” Noiz repeated. 

When he first got in touch with Koujaku’s home, he’d realized how little he knew about Koujaku. He didn't know what his favorite food was; what his favorite drink was; what he lifestyle was like; and what he worked as. He knew nothing about Koujaku. 

“Hmm, I guess he was a kind man? You should see all the sweet talking he gave the local ladies every time he passed by them.” Aoba pouted again. “But he meant no harm. He was just trying to be friendly.” 

Noiz smirked. This definitely sounded like something Koujaku would do. 

“But hey, his temper was terrible. There was once when he beat up a man in the pub and he was forced to pay the man’s medical fee. Well, serve him right. All the poor guy did was saying I looked like a girl. I knew he was trying to defend me, but still…” Aoba trailed off and lowered his head to look at his food. 

“He didn't need to go so far, you know!” His voice was a bit shaky now as Noiz turned to look at him. “The guy was not even insulting him, why would he want to..” 

Noiz pulled Aoba into a hug and patted his head. Aoba sobbed quietly. The memory was still new and fresh for him, and Noiz knew that wasn't the reason why he was crying. He knew exactly how he felt. Koujaku had left him with so many memories as well. He’d given him so many emotions; he made him feel like a real human; he reminded him that he could still feel like how everyone did after he’d forgotten how he used to feel after he’d lost his ability to feel pain. 

Koujaku was precious. He was precious to all of them. 

Why did he have to go?

 

* * *

 

  

One year without Koujaku. 

Noiz had started adapting well into his new life here in Japan. He wasn't desperately miserable now, but the missing piece in his heart still remained. He wouldn't give up hope as long as no one found Koujaku’s body. He didn't even know if it was worth the wait but he didn't mind it anyway. He would continue waiting if that was the only and last thing he would do. He would give up everything for the man who had given him a life. 

He still went to the beach. The sea would always remind him of Koujaku. It was the only attachment he had with Koujaku and somehow, he had a feeling that the sea would answer his call one day. The sea brought him to Koujaku. And if Koujaku was to return to him, he would definitely come back through the sea. 

Noiz sat on the beach, his eyes fixed on the calm waves as he listened to the soft lapping of waves against the shore. It was the kind of peace that both of them enjoyed. It was the kind of tranquility that always reminded him of Koujaku.

  

He was about to indulge himself in the quiet atmosphere again when he heard footsteps behind him, growing louder with ever step it took. He was always alone here. No one seemed to like to spend time here as much as he did. And when the footsteps echoed louder, he knew that it was heading towards him. Then, it stopped. 

“I see you’re still alive.” 

Noiz smirked. 

“I won’t die before you, old man.” 

It was a voice he would never forget. The same voice had echoed both loudly and softly in his ears before. He was attached to the voice, as if he had it memorized and locked in his brain. 

Noiz stood up and turned around. The man was standing under the shade of a tree, and as soon as he saw Noiz facing him, he walked out into the bright sunlight as Noiz stared, swallowing hard in response. 

The sea breeze swept over them; the sound of the sea waves invaded their ears softly. But Noiz’s eyes were fixed on the man, his attention was only on him. His dark, neatly tied hair was now combed back, revealing the beautifully inked tattoo beside his right eye; his ruby-colored eyes shone stunningly under the sunlight, showing a hint of strength with a mix of soft tenderness; and his smile, the smile he’d only got to see once, was directing at him. 

They stared at each other for mere seconds before Noiz walked towards him in a pace so rapid it undefined how he usually acted as he hugged the man, and was instantly returned with a firmer hug. He buried his head into the older man’s shoulder, trying hard to control his tears. 

Koujaku patted Noiz on the head before he cupped the younger man’s face and gave him a deep kiss, which was returned almost immediately by Noiz as he encircled his arms around Koujaku’s neck, deepening their kiss. He had missed this. The way the older man’s tongue desperately licking every corner of his mouth; the way his lips trembled in response; and the way he wrapped his arms around the brat’s torso, so tight there were zero gaps between them. These were all sensations that only Koujaku could give him. 

As they separated their kiss, Koujaku pressed their foreheads together as he stared into Noiz’s moist, lime-green eyes and muttered.

 

“ _I’m home_.”

 

Noiz could no longer control his emotions as tears flowed down his cheeks and he pulled Koujaku into a hug again.

 

“Welcome home, Koujaku.”

 

The Captain had finally made it home. To Noiz, to where he belonged.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An after-note to explain what happened to Koujaku because I couldn't fit it anywhere in the fic without ruining the flow. 
> 
> Koujaku had managed to jump off the ship before it exploded. He almost died but the determination to go home was so strong it became his life support. He was washed up the shore and was rescued by a fisherman, who immediately sent him to the hospital. He was badly injured and was burned in a lot of places and he was unconscious for almost a month. When he woke up, he realized that he'd ended up in India and he insisted to go back but the doctors stopped him. So he waited patiently until he recovered. Once he recovered, the first thing he did was to travel back to Japan, which took him another month.


	7. Epilogue: Set Sail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes we only need one step to walk a new life. And no matter what the past had caused you, it's never too late. 
> 
> It'll never be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After 9 months, here it is - the final chapter, the finale of this fic, which is one of my personal favorites, no doubt.
> 
> This story has been very close to my heart, being a story that had me thinking about most of the time. I love how passionate and how intense the dynamic between Koujaku and Noiz could be. But what I love most is still how they overcome their own demons, discover each other's demon, and ultimately, confront them together.
> 
> I think it's a beautiful dynamic. And I hope this ending gives this story a beautiful full stop.

There was something unexplainable with the way smoke ascended into thin air, dissolving and disappearing just like that, as if it wasn't there in the first place. It reminded Noiz of himself, which was why he hated when the older man smoked. He hated how Koujaku could deem something so insignificant just like this; he hated how Koujaku could dismiss one’s existence just like that as if they didn't worth any of his attention.

Noiz was once like this. He often grinned at himself when he thought of the ironic fact that even though he was born in a prestigious family, he clearly wasn't treated like one. Instead, he was treated with disgust, anger, and sometimes even fear. It didn't need too long for him to finally acknowledge the fact that he was a mere parasite in the family; that he wasn't needed at all and that his family was probably waiting for the time to come where he would miraculously drop dead just like that.

But that wasn't going to happen. Noiz wasn't going to allow that to happen. So when he was forcefully sold away, he knew that despite feeling betrayed all over again, he was somehow… relieved.

But those were things that had happened a year ago. 365 days ago, he was living a life in which he fought with every minute and every second of his life to stay alive. He didn't mind even though he knew that there was a possibility that he might drop dead or killed just like that. It wasn't something that he could control but it wasn't something he would attempt anyway. He also knew that there must be a reason for him to struggle to stay alive. The only thing he didn't know was _why_ he was struggling so hard. Was there any purpose for it? Was it even possible?

It appeared that he didn't to find too hard for his answers after all.

The moment when he saw the pirate ship crashing into their very prominent merchant ship, what engulfed him was not fear, but delight and more importantly, _anticipation_. There were a lot of things that he already knew from the limited months he’d spent on this overly luxurious merchant ship but there was no way he could ignore the loud pumping of his veins when he saw the legendary ship right in front of his eyes. He knew there was a possibility of death, of torture, and hopefully, pain. But to him, it was all fine – better than rotting his days away in this useless ship.

There were a lot of things that had proven him wrong ever since the day he was born. But the catch was that it was only proven wrong if he chose to believe in it. He wanted to believe that the mysterious ‘Grim Reaper of the Sea’ was a ferocious, violent pirate that would snap one’s head off without any second thought. He wanted to believe that dying in the hands of a pirate would be a far better option than dying in the hands of an ugly, good-for-nothing merchant.

What he didn't want to believe was that the pirate – _Koujaku_ – was nothing of what he’d imagined him to be. It would be even better if Koujaku was a vicious man, it didn't even matter if he was being thrown into the cell and lived there for the rest of his life. Because that was how he assumed living should be. But Koujaku proved him wrong – in a way he didn't really prefer.

> “ _Koujaku._ ”
> 
> “ _My name is Koujaku. Engrave that into your skull, brat._ ”

Koujaku wasn't a Captain. He was just another man, who, like Noiz, was struggling to find a reason to live in this world. Noiz saw it in his eyes and the emotions behind that very unconvincing smile of his that Koujaku wasn't even too strong of a man he believed he was. Sure, he definitely had the appearance – that leadership aura that he emitted every time he was within eye shot and earshot was something that Noiz knew he would never be able to achieve. It wasn't something he wanted to achieve anyway. He never wanted to be put under the spotlight; he never wanted any responsibilities. And he couldn't understand why Koujaku was so passionate about bringing everyone together despite all the troubles he would brought upon himself. 

Koujaku was… weird, Noiz once thought as he sat on the deck, allowing the sea breeze to brush through him as he stared at the clear blue sky. The pirate ship was stopped in the middle of the ocean and it was times like these that he found himself considering on matters – _Koujaku_ – that might or might not matter to him.

But those thoughts were proven unnecessary after all. Because soon, Noiz realized that no matter how much he thought about it, the answer that was meant to be revealed would make its way towards him anyhow, whether he liked it or not.

 

He couldn't quite explain how the sea breeze had managed to turn into a whole new meaning altogether now as opposed to when he was still on the pirate ship, spending meaningless time indulging deep in his own head, attempting to search for answers that he may never find. This time, as he sat on the sand, listening to the sounds of sea waves hitting shores, he found his head cleared off unnecessary thoughts. His nerves were calm, his breath shallow, and an unconscious smile gracing his feature when he stared at one of the ships departed out to the sea.

The sea has never be his home. But now, he begged to differ.

It was a place which had given him hope and a reason to live. It was also a place which had given him such overwhelming faith now as he sat and waited for his ‘reason to live’ to return to him.

> “ _I see you’re still alive._ ”
> 
> “ _Won’t die before you, old man._ ”

He never knew why he was clinging so hard to stay alive; he never understood what the purpose of living was. But meeting Koujaku was totally not in his plan, even more so when this particular _Captain_ became his reason to live. 

Their encounter wasn't long, wasn't too short either. But it changed things. It was as if they were waiting to meet each other, as if their wheel of destiny had arranged this acquaintance for them without them knowing. 

And that was probably the reason why both of them were clutching on the will to stay alive – so that they could prove to each other that there were still many beautiful reasons to live in this world, and that they would be by each other’s side while they explored more of themselves and the world.

As they sat side by side on the beach, both of them were quiet, both unsure of what to say to each other despite how they used to go down each other’s throat when they spent time on the ship. Koujaku was the one who broke the quietness. While Noiz was distracted by his own contradiction, Koujaku lifted his hands and before Noiz could even turn around to look at him, the older man was ruffling his hair, smiling defiantly at him as he said.

“You’re a bit different from how I remember you to be.”

Noiz brushed his hand off his head, scowling and averting eye contact.

“I say the same to you.”

“Ah, well…” Koujaku trailed off at the end of his words. “I bet. I’m even surprised to be alive now.”

Noiz turned his head slightly to look at him at the last of his words. He seemed like he wanted to say something but it took him another five seconds to finally respond.

“But you _want_ to stay alive, right?”

He could clearly hear Koujaku’s hitch of breath when he threw him that question. He remembered how Koujaku had forcefully kissed him before he vehemently tossed him into the sea the day when they parted. He remembered how furious he was with Koujaku. 

He remembered how mad he was with the way he took his life so easily.

But he knew that he’d misunderstood Koujaku when he finally managed to calm his head down. He was surprised to even realize how much he understood Koujaku and they didn’t even spend a very long time together. It was such a surreal feeling that made him think as if there must be _something_ that had drawn them together – something that he once refused to acknowledge.

“Yeah,” Koujaku said after he gave out a relieved sigh. Leaning slightly backwards, he smiled and stared at the sky. “I want to stay alive. I want to make sure that you’re alive as well.”

He didn’t expect the last sentence. He didn't know how to respond to that, and the loud heartbeat in his ears was starting to distract him so much that he was starting to lose his composure. So instead, he gave out a cough and imitated Koujaku.

“I went to your house,” he responded, purposely changing the topic to avoid the awkwardness. "There are a lot of things that I don’t know about you.”

“I say the same,” Koujaku said. “In fact, I know nothing about you.”

“I want to know more about you,” Noiz interrupted, blurting out before he could stop himself. “I want to know more about… Koujaku, not the Grim Reaper of the Sea, but a man who’s supposed to live an ordinary life.”

“Noiz..”

It sounded familiar. He remembered telling Koujaku that before and it made him feel nostalgic. At that time, he wasn’t very sure what he meant himself, even when he was the one who had said it. But now, he was sure of it. 

“I have time,” he continued, without waiting for Koujaku to react. “I’m staying here from now on.”

“You sure you don’t want to return to your home?” Koujaku asked, cautious evident in his tone.

“My home is here.”

And he meant it.

 

The walk towards Koujaku’s house was yet another round of silence. Noiz walked in front, now being extremely familiar with the route heading to Koujaku’s house. Koujaku followed quietly behind, occasionally smiling at passersby who shot him a surprised look when they realized who had just greeted them. He clearly didn't have the time to properly announce his return yet, and it didn't need a genius to figure out that his first stop was to meet Noiz, if not heading to Aoba’s first for that exact purpose. 

A contrast to how he felt when he was at the beach, Noiz’s thoughts were thrown onto a speed track. Koujaku’s actions were sometimes unpredictable, and mostly suggestive. They had never proclaimed their relationship before; they probably didn't even know exactly what they were. All Noiz knew was Koujaku was the annoying Captain who he couldn't tear his eyes away from without fearing that he’d do something stupid again. He was probably in the same position in Koujaku’s mind.

They never defined their relationship. Or rather, they never knew when the best time to do that was – or they simply never found the best time to do that, considering the constant tensed up situations they were always thrown into. 

But it was different now – there was no more wars, no more fights; they were no longer living with tension as their best friend on the sea. 

They had all the time in their world now.

Noiz hesitated when he reached the door. Usually, he’d knock before he entered, as if expecting Koujaku was beyond the door. It was one of the tiny hopes he’d desperately clung onto as he hold the faith that Koujaku would return to him one day. But now Koujaku was standing right behind him. There was no purpose for that gesture any more so he gave out a quiet sigh, placed his hand on the doorknob and intended to push the door open before he felt Koujaku’s hand on top of him, stopping him.

“Let me do it.”

Koujaku’s breath was so close to him he felt a shiver running down his spine as he obeyed without another word, pulling his hand off and allowing Koujaku to take his place.

His room was the same as usual. Aoba had made the effort to clean the space every few days and with Noiz’s daily presence, it really did feel like a real home.

“Ah, I’ve missed this place.”

How long had Koujaku been missing home? Months? Years? How did he manage to endure that?

Noiz could never understand. He never had anywhere that he could call a home in the first place so he couldn't quire resonate with Koujaku when he said he’d missed the place.

He was still standing at the doorframe when Koujaku sat on the bed with a loud thump, eyes still looking at every corner of his house.

“Why are you still standing there? Come here,” Koujaku asked with a smile, patting the space beside him and urging Noiz to come over.

Noiz obeyed silently again. Just like how they’d sat side by side on the beach, they were now seated on Koujaku’s bed, the awkwardness spread between them as both of them struggled to find a topic.

“It’s clearly well taken care of,” Koujaku said, still looking around and ultimately stopped and stared at his own hands. “It really feels like home.”

Noiz didn't know what to say. So he fixed his gaze at Koujaku’s hands instead, trying to grasp a hint of what Koujaku was looking at despite knowing that he was looking at nothing.

“I can’t believe what happened for the past years,” Koujaku mumbled, and Noiz could clearly see his fingers trembled slightly, as if he was suddenly reminded of a very bad memory. “It felt like a dream.”

Then, he looked up, turning around to meet Noiz’s gaze.

“How are the others? Mink? Clear? Ren?”

“All back in their homes,” Noiz responded quietly. It amazed him how he couldn't tear his eyes away from Koujaku’s ruby orbs, the evening light pouring into the room making the color even more prominent than usual.

Koujaku smiled, which did nothing but made Noiz fidget out of reflex.

“That’s good.”

It reminded him of the Captain he was so used to. The Captain who cared about nothing else but the safety and wellbeing of his crew members. The obnoxious, insensitive Captain who didn't even care about himself before he decided to throw his life away for people who were none of his concern.

That painful reminder caused Noiz to clench his fist as he closed their distance, purposely heightened his voice slightly to emphasize on the urgency of what he was about to say.

“What about you?” he said, suddenly feeling a sense of satisfaction within him when Koujaku was obviously taken aback by the sudden change of attitude. “What happened to you?”

Koujaku was shocked for only a while before he returned the same smile onto his face. Noiz thought he had the upper hand, but he was proven wrong – yet again – when Koujaku took advantage of the distance he had closed by putting his hand on top of Noiz’s.

“Does that matter?” Koujaku whispered. It was too hard for Noiz to miss the very feeble hint of passion in his voice. “What matters is that I’m still alive and that I’m here with you now, right?”

He was dying to know what happened to Koujaku. What happened to him when the ship sank, right in front of his eyes; what happened to him after that; where did he go; who did he meet; how did he come back. He had a whole list of questions he was dying to ask – answers that he desperately needed but instead of throwing more of them at Koujaku, he found himself launching at him, wrapping his hands around Koujaku’s neck before he pulled him closer and pushed his lips against Koujaku’s slightly opened mouth.

Surprisingly, Koujaku returned his fervor with the same amount of passion as he wrapped his arms around Noiz’s torso, pressing their chests together and hugging him so close that it was becoming hard to breathe. They could feel their hearts beating against each other, they could feel how hungry each of them were as they desperately sucked on each other’s tongue, and they could feel, despite the very limited actions they could perform, how much they yearned to touch each other’s skin, to explore the whole of each other. 

They could feel how hard the other had suppressed their wants to just _touch_ each other; and how much they _needed_ each other.

They only parted lips to breathe but none of them gave each other time to rest anyway as they found their mouths all over each other again as soon as they refilled enough air into their lungs. In between kisses, Noiz found his way to Koujaku’s tattoo on his face. Koujaku merely shuddered a little when he felt Noiz’s kiss against it but that was all he did as Noiz pressed sporadic kisses along the print then returned to devour Koujaku’s mouth again. He probably did it unconsciously; their passionate behavior probably reminded him of the first time they had sex.

He needed to stop Noiz to take his clothes off before Noiz insisted to do the same for him. When they were both shirtless, though, Noiz halted, his eyes unconsciously stared at Koujaku’s body while Koujaku gave out a bitter smile.

“This..” Noiz said, almost wanting to touch on a healing wound on Koujaku’s shoulder before Koujaku grabbed his hand to stop him.

“Koujaku,” Noiz continued, with no intention to back off. “What happened?”

He couldn't help it. The questions were still bugging him and now that hard evidences were presented right in front of him, he could no longer suppress the intense need to know the answer right here, right now.

“… It was a gun shot. I was shot in the shoulder when I tried to save—“

“Did my father do it?”

Koujaku halted, leaving his words hanging in midair. Then, he slowly nodded.

“They’re safe now.”

But that wasn't what Noiz wanted to hear. Scowling, he forcefully pulled his hand off Koujaku’s grip and touched the wound, feeling Koujaku’s small shivers against his fingertips. 

He knew holding a grudge towards his family was perhaps the last thing Koujaku needed. But there was no way he could ignore the intense wrath within him. Before he knew it, he was leaning towards the wound and planting a soft kiss on it.

“Noiz…”

“Let me compensate this,” Noiz muttered against Koujaku’s shoulder. “Let me compensate for everything my family has done to you.”

Koujaku was momentarily stunned but he quickly returned to himself as he pulled Noiz up so that he was facing him directly. 

“We talked about this before,” Koujaku was almost growling. Noiz couldn't understand why he was so angry with this suggestion. But then he thought – Koujaku had every rights to be angry at him. His family was the one who had caused him this misery. If his family hadn't kidnapped Aoba, Koujaku wouldn't need to become a pirate, he wouldn't need to suffer so much, and he wouldn't need to—

“Stop thinking that way. You’re not an item, nor a slave,” Koujaku was still growling into his face. “Everything happened for a reason. And I…” Koujaku stopped, returning the silence into the room before his scowled deepened as he stared sternly straight into Noiz’s eyes. “I believe all these happened so that I could meet you – so that I could save you from the misery your family gave you.”

It was ironic, really. How could he ever accept the idea of exchanging _his_ own misery by causing more misery to _Koujaku’s_ life? 

“And I glad it happened anyway,” Koujaku continued, noticing the hesitance in Noiz’s eyes. “I’m glad you’re away from that kind of lifestyle now.”

He hated Koujaku. He hated the way Koujaku always put others before him without considering of himself. He hated that attitude.

There was _no way_ someone could be so selfless. 

“What about you?” Noiz said quietly. “What about the time you’ve lost thanks to this incident? All the scars you now have to bear?”

“If having to bear all these scars means I’ll feel happy like how I am now, then I’m more than fine with it.”

“…What?”

There was _no way_ someone could act so optimistic like this. 

Koujaku was no longer scowling at him; instead, he was smiling so gently at him as he lifted a hand to caress Noiz’s face. At this very moment, Noiz looked nothing but a lost nineteen-year-old who was still trying to find a place to belong in this world. If Koujaku could be the one to guide him along the way, then everything was worth it. 

“I’m really, really happy that you’re safe and alive,” Koujaku said quietly, now brushing his hands through Noiz’s hair. “You don’t deserve the life you were in before. Now that you’re safe, you can learn how to live a proper life. _This_ is what you deserve.”

“Will you be with me?” Noiz blurted before he could stop himself. 

Koujaku gave him another smile.

“Of course,” he said before pinching Noiz on the nose. “That’s why I’m here, right? That’s why I’m alive now.”

It took Noiz a few moments before he finally let out that one question he had been dying to ask.

“What are we?”

Koujaku’s movements halted. Then, he smiled again. This time, pulling Noiz into an embrace while he was at it.

“Does that matter?”

It didn’t. They never needed a label, let alone a definition. 

“All I know is I want to take care of you, I want to watch the growth of this one brat who once told me that he isn't afraid of death. I was so scared, okay? You know what does that mean? It means you don’t value life and it’s a very terrifying thought you have given me.”

“I like you,” Noiz muttered against his chest, effectively stopping Koujaku’s words. 

He could clearly hear Koujaku’s heartbeats speeding up against his chest.

“Thank you,” was all Koujaku said before he hugged him tighter. 

It was the answer Noiz was waiting for. Koujaku was never good with words, and the only way Noiz could get his answer was through his actions. Now, as Koujaku lifted his chin to kiss him deeply, he already gotten the answer he wanted. 

For once, he didn't need to fear about what would happen the next day, about when he would be killed, or about when he would be forcefully thrown away again.

For once, he felt secured, belonged, and above all, _wanted_.

When Koujaku was buried deep inside him, he could feel it. He still lacked the sense of touch and he still couldn’t properly figure out how exactly pain felt like. But Koujaku’s pulse, Koujaku’s heat and Koujaku’s gentleness when he touched his face before he leaned in to kiss him told him enough to know that this was how real pleasure felt like.

This was how it felt to be loved.

 

 

“Do you still miss your pirate days?”

The sun was already completely gone when they were done with their lovemaking session. Resting his head against Koujaku’s shoulder, Noiz asked as he stared blankly at the way smoke rise and disappeared out of sight.

“You were the Grim Reaper, after all,” he pressed, scowling when the smell of the smoke reached his nose.

“How about you? Do you miss the days when you were still on a ship?” Koujaku asked instead, discarding the cigarette away and pulling Noiz closer by the waist.

Noiz didn't know how it exactly felt to ‘miss’ something. Was it the intention to go back to the life that he once lived? 

Noticing his contradiction, Koujaku ruffled his hair, pressing his head against the crook of his neck before he continued.

“Those were glorious days, indeed,” he said, staring into space as the memories played in his head again. “The crew members were nice people. Mink, Ren, and Clear as well. We had so much fun exploring the sea and the excitement when we won a fight… those were very nice feelings.”

He missed it after all, Noiz thought, but he kept the thought to himself.

“But,” Koujaku said, pausing for a few seconds before he continued. “Those days aren't meant to last long. Sooner or later, we would all need to go back to our real lives.”

“I didn't have a real life. So I thought it wasn't so bad if I was to live forever on the sea. But now,” Koujaku smiled as he looked at Noiz. “It’s different.”

Noiz smirked. He knew exactly what Koujaku meant, even without the need to explicitly explain it to him. 

“I don’t miss the sea,” he said instead. “But I do miss the Captain who used to beat me up when I misbehaved.”

“Ah, well, that wasn't…” Koujaku stuttered, scratching the back of his head awkwardly before Noiz continued.

“But it wasn't such a bad experience anyway.”

Then, Noiz sat up, turned around, and flashed another smirk at Koujaku.

“Let’s go for another sail, shall we, Captain?”

Koujaku froze for two seconds. Then, he broke into a smile, giving out a few laughs before he straightened his posture and responded.

“Roger that. Ready for another sail, sailor?”

Noiz’s smirk gave him the answer.

 

He never knew how a real home felt like. He thought it was supposed to be something tangible – something that could protect him from harm. But now, he begged to differ. 

Home was where he could feel the safest; and right now, his home was beside Koujaku, and he knew Koujaku shared the same line of thought as him.

And even though they were to set sail again, the sea would also become their home, because now they no longer needed to fear what was to come anymore. Not when they had each other by their side.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss writing KouNoi :(


End file.
